Our Fresh Start Began with Popsicle Sticks

Homeschooling sometimes gets hard, y'all! 

This year I had the amazing idea of making our homeschool year last all year round. 

No long summer break for us.

I really think this will be a good idea but with no end in clear sight things are starting to get a little sticky around here.

Bad attitudes.

Crankiness.

Procrastination. 

And if you think those sound bad you should see the kids. 

Ha!

Truth be told it's been all of us. Just not into it.  Doing the bare minimum of work required.

It's been a good day if we get all of the worksheets and problems done.  Forget fun projects or artwork. 

As the sun was setting on the end of our yet-again horrific attempt at homeschooling last week I knew we had to do something.

Something had to get turned around or we were headed off the edge of a cliff in a car.

So I spent all weekend planning.

You know, like I'm supposed to every week .

The thing is, I spent MONTHS last spring preparing for this school year. I have a notebook with everything detailed that I need for each week.  Every book I need, art supply, everything. But some of it I had decided not to use and for some reason in my mind that meant that I wasn't going to use it at all. 

Which just is absurd.

So I went back to the notebook and ta-da!  most everything was already planned out for fun activities. 

With the help of that, pinterest, and just simply getting things ready for the week I was able to get started this week with our ducks already in a row.  Everything was planned out and ready to go.

So that was done but I was also faced with the problem of all of the bad attitudes.  I had managed to get myself out of my funk but how was I going to get the kids okay-ish with doing school again?

The answer, like always, practically jumped out of the Bible and smacked me in the face.  I love when my help comes from the Lord.  Which is pretty much all the time. 

Calvin had to memorize this verse the week before to complete his Awana book so it was a perfect jumping off point for this week.

To enforce or rather to encourage this, Sunday night Nick and I sat down in the living room with a bunch of popsicle sticks.

And we made chores.

Glorious chores.

It wasn't anything too hard.  Or anything that will take too long. But they are things that will definitely help out.

Clean the bathroom sink.

Put random lost socks in the laundry.

Things like that. (And as a total side note, can you figure out which of the popsicle sticks was written by me?  Nick totally has Doctor/Architect handwriting.)

I introduced the popsicle sticks to them in the morning while they were still in bed.  We had talked about the verse the night before so I reminded them of it and told them about the chore sticks.

I told them that all of their complaining and arguing just sucks the life right out of me.  And then I am too tired to do all of the chores so they will have to help.

It's only the third day but we've only had to draw out a popscicle stick twice.  Which means there's only been complaining two times

Which for me is like drawing a popsicle stick from the mom lottery.

Two times complaining in three days is a total win.

And every day we've been able to get our school work done.

Another win.

Our Fresh Start was three days ago and it's only just begun. 

Happy day friends! 

What do you need a fresh start on? Brainstorm, switch things up, and get going!

These Are Making Me Happy

Easter.  It was a big diving board for me.

I don't want to live a life of living in the shadows of what I want to do if I were more popular/confident/pretty/etc,etc. 

Rather I would like to live in the now.  For me.  To do what I find joy in.  Not for what I think others would like.  After all, a life chasing after someone else's dreams is so exhausting.

And so I have thrown off the shackles of self-doubt and am seeking out what truly makes me happy.  I'm not shopping the Matilda Jane collections thinking "oh, so and so has this dress,"  with a tinge of competitiveness that I should get it too.  Nope, I'm looking at what I like.  What I want.  What makes me feel happy!

 And so it is with those eyes that I look at the world and see what I like around me.  Here is what is on my list:

Galvanized Letters

I saw them at Joann Fabrics last night and I iust love them.  Trying to figure out where I would put one. I think there is one in every house on Fixer Upper.  Clearly I am cool because I like them too ;)

This man

Holy wow, he's incredible.  I've gotta tell ya, I am one hot mess.  I go through these times where I sit and wallow that he's not romantic enough, or we don't spend time alone like we used to, or whatever crap I can come up with and he just walks with me through it.  And then eventually our love brings me out of it and he helps me see that he may not be tv romantic but he helps with the kids baths and the laundry and the dishes and that's pretty darn romantic in its own right.  And we may not spend as much time alone as we used to but it's because we have two growing, silly, awesome kids and that seems like a pretty good reason to not have as much time alone.  Besides we do spend all of our free time together because we like each other. 

And just like that I swoon over him and am head over heels for him.  I can't believe he chose me and seriously folks, the dude chose me 15 years ago!  I'm thinking that me still being in awe of that means we really are in love or I'm just completely stupid.  Either way, I think we've got a pretty good thing going here :)

Our bed

Or any bed for that matter.  Last weekend we had a Mother/Daughter sleepover with Emma's American Heritage Girls troop.  We had a blast.  I didn't have a blast sleeping on the floor of the church basement.  I think I was the only mom who didn't have the foresight to bring an air mattress.  And oh what a silly mistake that was!

So after that night I have been coming to my bed almost with an unrequited love.  Ah bed, you just love me so much and take such good care of me!

Popsicle sticks

Who knew I could use them for so many "crafty" things?  Hahaha.  That's a teaser folks for my next blog to come ;) But they are definitely making me one happy Momma!

What things are making you happy today?  Count your blessings and comment what is bringing you joy! 

Have a great day, sweet friends!

How Autism Has Made Me Aware...

Every April I'm usually all over Autism Awareness month.  It's felt like if a treky had some Star Trek month they got to relish in all month long.  These are my people.  This is my tribe.

But this month I've been having a hard time with Autism Awareness Month. 

Perhaps I'm a bit perturbed about Autism keeping me from having one night of rest for the past 8 years.

Or maybe I've just had it with the tests and diagnosis and appointments and reminders and therapists and behaviourists and specialists and pharmacists and medicine runs and visual aids that are all needed to try to get us through one.single.day. at a time.

It could be that I'm just so frustrated with everything.  Cleaning the same messes over and over again.  The same arguments.  The same whatever every day.

So upon a lot of self reflection I think I have come to the meaning behind my begrudging Autism Awareness:

It came when I saw a really good article about Autism.  It was all about how autism is diagnosed vs. how autism is in the reality.  One of the examples was something like Autistic kids may not interact in peer groups but the reality is that Autistic kids often find the universe more stimulating than interacting with peers.

What an awesome perspective!  And so in reading this I have to admit that I began to feel twinges of guilt.  I think the reason is because I have not been looking for the silver lining of the Autism cloud. 

Quite frankly I've been a Debbie Downer of autism.  Talking all about how awful it is. How much it has affected my life.  How we struggle.  How we don't sleep. 

And let me tell you, all of those things are true.  I'm praying for the day that one day they won't be. After all, I think it would be really cool to get a full nights sleep.  I'm a big dreamer like that. 

But when it is all said and done we are still here with this elephant on our shoulders.  And I am getting pretty fed up with complaining about the elephant. 

It's not going anywhere.  It's been here for 8 years so I guess it is time to stop complaining about it and start talking about how cool the elephant is. 

Afterall, Autism is awesome.

I never thought I would be in a place that I could type that last sentence.

I've cursed autism and tried to tp its house a few times.

It always calls the cops.

Lame.

But aside from that I am learning that it is pretty great.

Like that Cal imagines things and could care less about what people think of him.

Or how he is so loving.  In the photo above he begged me to take a picture of him with all of his friends, isn't that just so presh?

Or that when we fight and yell he just walks around the house yelling "family sticks together" over and over and over.  It's from lilo and stitch and it always, always, always brings everything back together.

Or that one time when his sister got mad and decided to run away from home.  He threw on boots and a coat and followed her out the door.  He is loyal to the very core to that sweet little sister who defends him to the very end. 

He is the smartest little boy in the whole wide world. 

And the silliest.

And the kindest.

And the scaredest.  But we're working on that.

Autism has challenged me to think out of the box in every situation of my life.

Like how I now call chicken ham.  You know, because he doesn't eat birds.

Or how I let him wear brown dress shoes with knee socks with gym shorts.  We're cool like that.  He doesn't care and it takes every fiber in my being to not care either.  But I am doing it.  You know, because they're comfortable.

Autism Awareness month is for all of us to try to stir up awareness about Autism.  Things like, yes my son is still a person who should be treated with respect.  No you can't call my son a retard or I will punch you in the face. 

That kind of stuff. 

But for me it is teaching me how to be aware of just how neat Autism can be. 

And for me that is the best awareness of all.

Why Even Write This?

Today was a hard day amidst an even harder week.

There are days that autism is easy and fun.  Well not fun, but the methods seem to work that the therapists suggest and everything seems all rainbows and sunshine. 

But this is one of those days and weeks and cycles that nothing is working.  There's lot of anger and harsh words being hurled at us (and seriously I just had a soccer ball thrown down the stairs at me, oh dear).

And I have to hunker down and use every ounce of strength I have to not lash back at him.  To turn the other cheek. To pick up the spilled cheerios off the floor.  To not scream or yell or cry.

At the end of the day I am exhausted. Because holding it together is so much more draining and harder than anything else. 

So this afternoon I took a bath.  Cal was playing Legos and for a few moments I was able to try to relax my knotted up shoulders under the water.

While I was doing this I was thinking about this blog...

I've had lots of people ask me why I share so much.

Why do I write about people being mean to my son?

Why do I write about the struggles of homeschooling?

Why do I put it in writing about someone hating me?

Why do I type out all of the Autism challenges?

And here's why...

It's not my story.

It's Gods. 

It feels like God has brought me through all of these things and given me a gift of writing for a reason. 

My purpose is to tell you if God brings you to it He will bring you through it.  He's there with you always.  I guess you could say that my writing is my testimony.  I want people who aren't believers to know "you know what?  I really want to be mean right back to someone.  But I won't.  I struggle and it's hard and sure sometimes I am mean back but the struggle is real and with God I am trying to do what He wants me to do."  I want the Momma's locked in the bathroom crying to pull me up on their phone and read and think "Autism sucks and is mean and is a vortex of awfulness sometimes but God has a plan and He's got this.  I can do this."

Nick and I have said through all of our struggles that if we can use them to help someone else, to lead them to the cross, it's all been worth it. 

What hope we have in our lives friends that it is all worth it.  All of it. 

And so I just wanted you to know, that is why I write to you.  It's all worth it.  God knows you are worth it.  Just hang in there.  God's got this. 
 

Love you all, my sweet friends. 

Lucky in Life!

We are not huge Irish fans.  Truth be told I am about 75% Scottish so clearly St. Patrick's Day is not in our background but we like to celebrate in little ways so yesterday that is what we did. 

And not that I believe in luck but I am for sure one lucky (blessed) gal!  I always look around me on St. Patrick's Day to see just how much I have to be thankful for.  It's incredible!

Yesterday morning we had to be out of the house super duper early so we just had a quick breakfast of cereal.  However when your kids aren't given sugary cereals, Lucky Charms sure are a treat.  Not to mention I found this amazing St. Patty's Day version. 

The marshmallows are just pots of gold and clovers. The kids loved it so much they just gobbled it up! I love being their Momma more than anything!

I shot a photo before we left the house to go and see Mary Poppins, the musical.  I was blessed to be able to find these shirts at the children's resale I attend just last week.  Before that I had no clue what we were going to wear for St. Patrick's Day.  So it worked out perfectly!  I love Cal's it says "Sham-rock and Roll".  Oh yeah baby!

Later on when we got home from Mary Poppins and lots of errands we dined on the traditional meal of Corned Beef, Cabbage, and Potatoes.  And I didn't take a picture...on purpose of those things because they always just look kind of gross to me.  So I figure no one else wants to gaze upon it either. After that we had a rousing evening of math. 

Cue the excitement we all have about math but both of my kiddos are really, really good at math.  They seem to be able to pick up conceptual stuff so easily, it just blows my mind. 

But at the end of the math rainbow was our pot of gold...cookies!

Last month I made a big bath of gluten-free dough and made cookies for Valentine's Day, St. Patrick's Day, and Easter.  I've had them stored and was just able to pull the St. Patrick's Day ones (cute BIG shamrocks) out of the container.

I then whipped up a quick buttercream frosting, grabbed these adorable sprinkles I bought last month while out doing our Monthly shopping, and voila, instant cookie decorating fun!

The kids did a wonderful job decorating!  Here's Emma's cookie.

And here's Calvin's.  Clearly you can see he's living by a more is more principle in life, teehee. 

We had so much fun celebrating St. Patrick's Day and hope you did too!  We did miss Nick as he's been out of town for business but despite that as I mentioned I feel so lucky to have this life of ours.  Specifically that I am able to stay home.  I know it is such a financial sacrifice we are making for our family but we know it is so, so worth it.  I know that I have so many friends and there are so many Momma's reading this that I don't even know who right now really, REALLY want to be able to stay home.  I've been there, I know how that feels.  And there was a time when I never, ever would have been able to fathom that I would be able to stay home with our "good luck charms" but now I am.  The fact that it's the every day sometimes makes me forget how unbelievable it is.  It's such a dream.  Such a blessing.

Not to mention the fact that I have our dream car, the best kids on the earth, a huge house, a romantic and sweet husband who is an amazing Daddy, a new washer dryer set (hey, it's the little things folks), and a sweet black lab who follows me around dolefully.  I feel like the luckiest lady on Earth.  God is good friends!  He blesses us beyond our wildest dreams, all we have to do is entrust Him with our deepest desires.

Happy Weekend sweet friends!  May you be blessed!

Do You Ever Just Blink and a Month's Gone By?

Hello from the underside of my laundry pile.  This past month has been a whirlwind.  Some of the events have included:

My dear uncle passing away and following included helping my Aunt and mom take care of his estate.

My resale that I'm on the committee for (I head up marketing...gotta keep all that marketing knowledge still working, right?) happening so lots of advertising on lots of fronts.

The Resale is also where I sell all of our clothes and toys that we are selling so lots of tagging, cleaning, sorting, trying on, and more tagging.

Homeschooling, homeschooling, homeschooling.

I started babysitting our neighbor's newborn a couple of days a week.  It's not hard and is such a joy but there's definitely been a break in our schedule and trying to figure everything out.

Whew, all of that seems like not every much but trust me it is!  So much so that I feel like I have fallen off the face of the earth over here in blog land. 

Oh and I should mention that I also have Bronchitis.  Today is my last day of being contagious hallelujah!  So I've been trying to avoid people. 

Last night Calvin had a sleep test.  If you've never seen a sleep test, you should know there are so many wires and contraptions.  We tried to prepare him.  He was convinced they were going to suck his brains out through the night.  After lots of tears and lots of prayers we finally got our sweet, sweet little boy to sleep.  We're hoping for a successful test so we don't have to do it again and hopefully can get some results as to why this little guy has such a hard time with sleep.

So there is our life.  Last night I slept on a recliner next to Calvin's bed.  It was a long night of no sleep so this morning I am a walking zombie. 

But I'm a walking zombie who at least had the time (and the courage!) to jump back on here to write about life. 

So hey, howdy, hello!  I'll try not to blink anymore lest we lose the rest of March ;)!

Making the Every Day the Everything

Last week my uncle passed away.  It's been a whirlwind of family in town, memorial services, moving furniture, cleaning, crying, and more.

And in those times is when family is reiterated as being the most sacred of all blessings God gives us here on Earth. 

Where would we be without our tribe to hold us all up collectively?

My extended family is amazing.  We all seem to get it, we all laugh about the same things and more.

And when I come home from funerals and look around at the life Wit and I have been blessed with around these two blessings of ours, I'm astounded by how it all is going by so quickly.

Like a blink it will all be over.

I was on Facebook a couple of days ago and while their intent is not to inspire me, I have a few friends who post photos of their children all.the.time. And while for others it may be annoying, for me it is inspiring. 

I think at times when you have babies and toddlers around it is easy to see things as exciting and photo worthy.  But then the play-doh's been played with so much it's not fun to take the pictures.  And the sledding's been done so many times you are convinced you'll remember them on your own, you don't need to soak it in.

But you all remind me to relish the small things, to soak in the moments in the every day.  I want to remember it all so I can look back and see that these every day moments that just could have gone by unnoticed amidst the laundry and the cleaning and dishes, these every day moments are everything in life.  Aren't these moments why I wanted to be a mother?  Aren't these moments the ones who define who I am as a caregiver and nurturer?

And so, after seeing my friends posting pictures of their kids eating a donut in the backseat, or giggling after a bubble bath, inspired, I set off to capture my own every day moments.  To preserve them in photographs to commit to memory time and time again.

May I not forget the mornings where the snowstorm raged outside while the tangles in dolls hair laid flat and we giggled and swapped outfits on dolls.

May I not forget the excitement of pieces being put together and constructed into something that has been dreamt of for a year.  Of a toy saved for and cherished, of the learning moments through frustration and toil.  May I remember it all. 

And so you Momma's on social media, please keep posting your photos. 

You inspire me. 

To take my every day and to once again pick up my camera, put down my laundry basket, and to stop and see my everything around me.

I thank you for helping me get back to the root of what is important.

Zulily has Jelly the Pug on Sale!

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help offset the cost of running this blog.  You can read my full disclosure policy here.

Eek, I couldn't wait to jump on here and let you know the news...

Now through the 19th Jelly the Pug is on Zulily! 

Jelly the Pug is my absolute fave brand for Emma!  Especially as she is getting older and more vested in what she is wearing each day, Jelly the Pug has really helped to keep the peace between us.  They sweet brands are "sassy" as little Kazoo says and the details like ankle ruffles, knee patches, or bows really help her feel like she is wearing something that is cool and far from boring.

I think that this dress has to be my favorite and it is on sale for only $17.99!  Regularly $48.00 you can see why I love Zulily so much!

I also am in crushing on this dress, the Hot Pink & Teal Love Birds Hannah dress. I love all of the patterns of fabric that they use and they way they mix them together. This dress is $17.99, on sale from $44.00!  So cute and ruffley. 

And if you are looking for a great Easter outfit or for a Spring tea I think this is just darling.  I love outfits for things like Easter egg hunts because they can have fun and they don't have to worry about sitting like a girl or bending over.  My Aunt calls these hippie pants and so does Emma now but we still think they are the cutest!  This is the Peach Sweet Heart Brandy Top and Pants.  This outfit is $19.99 and was originally $48.00.  Hello, you beautiful bargain you! 

So those are some of the Jelly the Pug over on Zulily that I am a bit obsessed with right now.  But hurry because the sizes and styles sell out really quickly :(.  If you are new to Zulily it is a bargain website that has new deals every day.  You have to be a member to shop but it's free to join! You can click here to join today and get to shopping for so many cute things...including Jelly the Pug!
 

Happy Shopping, sweet friends!

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help offset the cost of running this blog.  You can read my full disclosure policy here.

Tiny Prints: Presidents Day Sale!

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help offset the cost of running this blog.  You can read my full disclosure policy here.

I love Tiny Prints!  We got our Christmas cards from there and recently got tons of labels from there. 

All of their designs are so fun and creative, you can't go wrong with anything from them.  Promise!

Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that today is the last day to take advantage of their President's Day Sale.  Everything is 30% off!  How awesome is that? 

To take advantage of this deal simply use the promo code: PRESDAY30 at Tiny Prints

Super easy!

We are planning Emma's Birthday party and I thought these invitations were just adorable! She wants to have an overnighter and we are tossing the idea of around of making it dessert themed.  Aren't these just precious?

Anyway, I just wanted to let you all know of this amazing deal so you can snag some deals too.  Easter invites, cards, address labels, so many ideas of what you could save on! 

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help offset the cost of running this blog.  You can read my full disclosure policy here.

Musings From My Hotel Room...

Today as I am writing this I am sitting in our hotel room of our Marriage Workshop...you know, where he works and I shop ;).  And I guess he really wanted to make sure I was doing my fair share because our hotel is RIGHT across the street from the outlet mall. 

What a caring husband, right?

And as I'm sitting here there are so many things I want to share with you that I thought I would just do a bullet point list here and please feel free to comment and share with me your ideas on my random thoughts.  Here we go:

• Our coffee maker in this hotel room is in the bathroom and I find that completely off-putting.  Am I just a germ a phobe or does that eek you guys out too?  Just seemed like a horrid place to place items when you could have put it on the desk or the dresser or anywhere other than the bathroom.
• I just have to put this out there that blogging is hard work.  Ugh. Sometimes I wonder if it is worth it.  Scratch that.  Almost all of the time I wonder if it is worth it.  I mean, I basically talk to myself here.  It stinks sometimes and when I talk about myself I often feel like a narcissist. Nick and I had an interesting discussion this morning that was about my blog.  I was telling him how all of these other bloggers do "home tours" of their holiday decorations.  I meant to do one at Christmas and didn't and I then I meant to do one at Valentine's and didn't.  It wasn't that I forgot or anything but when I took the photos of my decorations in our home they looked so bleh.  I thought that they looked super cool and impressive at home but through the camera's eye and then staring back at me from my computer screen they just looked simple and blasé.  So my conversation with Nick was I shared this struggle with him and he thought that me sharing my home decorations would be like a "look at me" type of attitude.  Which I do sometimes feel like it is but then I feel like blogging in general can feel that way.  Which I would never would want to appear that I am doing!  I want to be a help and an encouragement or a "I did this in my home and by-golly you can too" kind of girl.  So I guess with this question I would love to know...would you have loved to of seen my decorations? Does it seem narcissistic?
• Along those lines I guess the cloudiness of self-doubt has crept in (it always tends to hit me around this time of the year, darn no sun!). But I find myself feeling unable to come up with anything that feels like an original thought to write about or to share or to take photos of and try to make someone's day.  So I'm really, really curious guys...what would you like me to write about?  More deals I find on the great wide-web? More personal stuff?  More homeschool stuff? More recipes?  What?  Please help your friend out and get me going again with motivation.  I would really love to know what you really love to read!
• Since I'm in a hotel room I feel it is only necessary to bring up the question we all wonder...why does hotel art have to be so gosh darn ugly? Ugh. Just horrid.
• Am I the only one who finds it incredibly awkward to work out in the hotel gym?  I went down there today and there was a man in there already using the elliptical.  Him and I, in dead silence.  It was super awkward and weird.  With some stranger.  I try to put my headphones on and think I am just here for exercise.  It's just like at the gym back home.  But it's not and it always still feels weird.

So there are my musings this morning from the hotel room here.  I hope you all have a great day! 

And if you get a chance I would love it if you could answer some of my questions :)

Riding the Waves of Being an Autism Mom

The other day I had the pleasure to sit down with my childhood bestie and talk Autism. 

I never would have dreamed that being Autism moms would be a common thread between us, but there we sat, spilling our fears, dreams, hopes, and realities of the every day.

She's started down the Autism path more recently than I.  It was when I was sitting with her and I heard myself talking that I realized I've been on this journey with an autism diagnosis for the past four years.

Four years.

In some aspects it seems like it's been much, much longer and in some aspects it seems like it's been a lot less time.

I mean, shouldn't I have this stuff down by pat by now? But I digress..

One of the things she asked me was about being a mom of an autistic child she said something like "do you find that some days you think it's not so bad, and other days you're crying and it's horrible. Some days I don't want to believe this is happening and other days it all seems doable and totally okay?"

Um, yes I totally feel that.  All of that.  And in that moment I can see a beach-like scene of all of us Autism moms.  Some are just getting to the water, others are way, way ahead.  And we're all wondering if the others are feeling the same things, going through the same things, fearing the same things, celebrating the same things.

And the answer is yes.  No matter where you are on the path into the water, we're all getting hit with the same waves. 

I associate these emotions and good days and bad days as waves.  Allow me to explain:

When I first became an autism mom I couldn't believe this was happening.  Everything seemed like it was turned upside down: the cleanliness of our house, the amount of doctor's appointments you find yourself going to, the behaviors, the medicines, the fact that everything is different. At first this is the toughest.  It's the first wave you get.  I liken it to just getting your feet wet and getting used to those first waves that are coming onto the shore. It's cold and you're thinking of just going back to the shore where it's dry and warm but you keep going because your feet are already wet and sandy.

At first they seem really brutal but you keep walking further into the water. And you find what was at your feet is small compared to what's now hitting you on your shins and knees.  This is when you've been with a diagnosis for a year or more. You are starting to get used to the idea of having an autistic child.  You try to own it with a sense of pride with license plates, awareness walks, books, and jewelry. Most days you can stand that you have an autistic child now but every once in a while like a pebble rolls over your foot, your remember that under current along your feet, and again you are sobbing that your child has to have autism.  The waves that feel really bad though now are the ones that contain things like self doubt: wondering how you may have caused your child to have autism, guilt: feeling bad about having not being so in love with idea of having a kid with autism.  Other emotions in this level of waves include your patience wearing thin, the reality that insurance is horrible on every level of trying to help a child with autism, and just how utterly exhausting caring for a child with special needs truly is. 

And you feel like you are going to get swept under the water with these waves but you really want to jump the waves so you keep walking into the water. The waves that hit you at your waist are easier to deal with because you dealt with the first two stages so you kind of knew what to expect.  Depression, guilt, denying your child has autism, accepting your child has autism, happiness with progress, frustration at sadness, you can feel it all ebb and flow along the surface and you also know what's going on below.  Some days the waves are calm and days are great, and you have barely any trouble.  Other days the waves are huge and gruesome: trying to wash you away with drowning strength, they can carry you under in a depression that is often a month long struggle.

But still you fight, you want to live, and eventually you come to the surface.  And again you find yourself with these waves that are always present, always multi-leveled actions and movements with no telling which one will affect you the most. 

Today I left an appointment with the Developmental Pediatrician.  We were talking about other diagnosis on top of Autism and Apraxia and ADD.  But I was able to hold my head high.  I felt like I was just dealing with gentle lapping waves that are up to my chin and remind me how close I am to going under but the gentle movement makes me feel calm and secure.  Perhaps tomorrow they'll swallow me whole and I'll drown in sorrow and resentment for a while.

But for now I'm in the water, I'm swimming my swim and I'm okay.  That's my victory for today.

So for those of you who are just starting on the path into the water, just keep walking into the waves.  It's going to be okay. I promise.  I'm out in the shark infested waters inviting you to jump the waves with me. We'll hold hands and laugh together through this journey...scary waves and all. 

Our Winter Trip to the Indianapolis Zoo

On Martin Luther King Jr. Day we went to the Indianapolis Zoo.  I wasn't sure what to expect going to the zoo when it was only 7 degrees out but we went anyway.  It was amazing.  Even though not many animals were out we had an amazing experience.

As I mentioned in this previous blog, to get in we only had to pay with canned goods to help the local food bank.  How amazing is that?

The first thing we went to see was the indoor aquarium. 

There is something so magical about taking the time to just let the world go by behind you while you gaze at the fish swimming contentedly around.  And then there is something to ethereal about watching your children be able to do the same thing.  It is such a joy to watch them enjoy God's creation and to discover all of the attributes about it.

I think our favorite part was getting to watch the Dolphins.  They have this walk through thing where the tunnel is under the water and the dolphins swim by. Because it was the winter and there was hardly anyone else there we had the whole place to ourselves and the kids and I laid down and watched the dolphins swim over us.  At first Emma thought I was crazy but after we left she said that was her favorite part.  See?  Sometimes it pays to be the weirdo mom :)

Other things the kids loved were the penguins waddling around,

the walrus under the water eating his fish and then spitting it out at us (I refrained from posting those pictures on here.  You're welcome! :)  ).

The orangutan exhibit was so neat and we spent lots of time there watching the apes (not monkeys as we learned!).

We also saw a polar bear,

a tiger that looked like he just wanted to be pet (or eat our face off but you know, whatever), and more!

All in all it was a super fun day.  I think our most memorable thing though were the dolphins. After lunch we returned to the zoo for the dolphin show.  The kids had no idea that dolphins were capable of performing and doing all of the neat tricks.  They were squealing with delight, it was so precious.

So there ya have it, our fun, freezing trip to the zoo.  If you go in the winter I do highly recommend it because we were able to have so much more interaction with the cold weather animals and with such low attendance it practically felt like we had the place to ourselves.

Have you ever been to the zoo in the winter?  Did you like it more than other times? Comment below, sweet friends!

What's on the other side of your door?

This year I started trying to make my way through the bible.  As a Christian it seems absurd to me that I have never read all the way through the bible.  So that's my goal.

So I started at the beginning of the good book. I knew what was coming.  Creation, the Fall of Man, Cain and Abel, on and on...

I was in the Cain and Abel story when I came across this passage that stopped me in my tracks.  How had I missed this? 

“6 Then the Lord said to Cain, “Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? 7 If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not do what is right, sin is crouching at your door; it desires to have you, but you must rule over it.””

— Genesis 4:6,7

I feel like God summed up all of our temptations right here in the beginning of the Bible.

I got to thinking about all of the sins that have been crouching at my door.  Waiting to devour me, to take over my life, to have it's way with me and take over my life.

Last year my huge sin was laziness.  Holy Moley.  I let our house get trashed.  It was bad.  I was no longer taking joy in homemaking.  I wasn't planning for school like I should.  I let it take over my life.  I let it suck the happiness out of the life that God gave me.  It desired to have me like the verse said and by golly, it did. 

And it's been other things in my life that has been crouching on the other side of my door, waiting to take me and they have: jealousy, discontentment, anger, impatience. 

This year I've resolved after reading this to not let that happen.  I decided to rule over it, I turned it over to God and the Holy Spirit helps me daily. 

This past week I was sick. Sick, sick, sick with some type of cold of biblical-plague proportions.  So I find myself resting and then surfing Netflix, and then making my way through the Frasier series. 

And then the nudgings come.  That the laundry needs done.  The dishes still need to be washed.  That it's time to finish math. And I have the energy to get up and get things done.  To shirk off the chains of laziness or unhappiness. 

But I feel like this could be a good question to challenge you all with.  Gentle reader: what's crouching at your door? What is trying to take you over today?

Or maybe you feel like it already has, like you opened the door and it pounced on you and now you're in a full fledge battle of trying to get it off you.  What is it? What desires to rule over you?

Whatever it is, you must rule over it.  With God you can rule over it.  Today.  Do it.  Call out to Jesus for help and throw off the sin that wants to take you over.

I hope this speaks to you!  Have a wonderful day today!

Shutterfly for Valentine's

I love Valentine's Day! 

Isn't it just so fun?

It always reminds me of the giddiness I felt when I was a little girl getting valentine's in a mailbox made of a milk carton or something at school.  Conversation hearts, glitter, lace hearts, I love it all. 

We don't do a ton for Valentine's but we get each other something small every year.  A lot of times Nick and I will go away for the weekend.  This year we are going away for the week after Valentine's to Wisconsin.  Nothing says love like the Cheese state, right?  Actually Nick has a work thing up there that week so it just made sense that if I went we could hang out at night.  And during the day we are staying in a hotel that's one of our fave's so I'm envisioning lots of bubble baths, reality tv show watching, and shopping at the nearby stores. 

Anyway, the week before Valentine's we send Valentine's packs to family members. This year I ordered Valentine's from Shutterfly.  They are so cute and I can't wait to mail them out! My grandfather passed away a number of years ago and his funeral was on Valentine's Day so I always make sure we send my Grandma something special for that day.  I think these will brighten her day!

Isn't this the most adorable card?  It could be because of our cuties :)  I sat the kids down and took these pictures before dinner a couple of nights ago, downloaded them, and found this cute card.  I love it! If you see from the card and the whole blog of mine, pink and blue are a color combo I love!  I gravitate towards it!  So these were perfect!

Anyway, since Nick and I are going away for Valentine's we won't really get anything from one another but I did want to get him something.  He's in his busy season with work so I decided to go ahead and get him something he could take with him on all of his business trips.

I made him this super cute luggage tag with an A.A. Milne quote on the back.  He always gets so lonely when he's away from us so I thought a little reminder from us of how much we love him would be nice. 

Check out Shutterfly for fun gifts for Valentines.  They have a really fast turn around and have so many cute layouts and backgrounds.  They have a deal going on now that home décor and gifts are 40% off, hard cover books are 50% off, and everything else is 30% off. 

This blog post may contain affiliate links that help offset the cost of running this blog.  You can read my full disclosure policy here.