When the Fun Starts Feeling Like a Job...

Again, life happens and I haven't been on here much.  I'm so lame.  

But more than that the transition to this new blog has left me feeling like this just wasn't fun anymore.  

Which just shouldn't be true.  

I love to write.  I was the girl who would ask to stay in from recess to write.  The girl who went to her diary first to scribble through tears.  I was born to write. 

So boo to this feeling like a job because this should be fun.  The reason I started this blog (in case you were wondering) is to keep a record of our family for me and for the kiddos to read when they are all grown up. 

And it is so edifying!  Recently my cousin who is also the web designer was able to transfer ALL of my old blog posts onto this site.  It was so fun to read through and see how God has moved in our lives. For example...

When Calvin was a year and a half old Nick lost his job.  It was horrible.  Joy sucking bad.  And the kids were young enough that we made a vow about (or at least figured we'd take a stab at) them not even knowing what was going on.  We didn't want anything to change for them.  So Nick stayed home but Emma still went to preschool and we still had Christmas and we muddled through. 

At least I thought we muddled through.  But looking back through those blog posts helped me to see how awesome we were doing.  We had apples to pick and pumpkins to carve along with picnics to celebrate with and "happy pumpkin carving" decorated cakes to enjoy.  We weren't starving, or scared in the pictures.  We were happy and laughing and enjoying watching how our babies were growing.  And so I have this blog to celebrate how far we've come and how much God can carry us through.  We are better, we are stronger, we are here.  And this blog can be a testament to that.  

And while that was why I started writing this blog I have continued writing this blog because I have had countless parents tell me through so many different avenues that our transparency in the struggles of homeschooling and autism and marriage and everything else is so nice to see.  Because when you are in the trenches it is so nice to sometimes hear someone else saying "geesh, this is just the worst."  Because sometimes it is.  And sometimes it's the best.  And I'll say that too.   

So I'm getting back into blogging.  Nick's head has hurt, our son has been crazy, I've been marketing a sale, organizing curriculum, planning a school year, and cleaning a house.  But mostly I've been with two little guys trying to find fun things to do as we celebrate the end of the summer and the welcoming of Autumn.  

May you find the joy in that too.  

A Rough Day and Remembering God's Blessings

Yesterday was rough.  At 9 in the morning Emma and I went out to shovel (Cal was sick in bed with the stomach flu) and I just had to measure it.  Nick was at work half an hour south of us and reported when I called that they had only a light dusting and some flurries.  But at home we had 7 inches!  When he left home at 6 he said it was just a few flurries and nothing on the ground which means that in 3 hours we had 7 inches of snow fall. Unbelievable!  Well, I wish I could say unbelievable but truthfully this is the way it is in Northern Indiana.  The weather comes to us from over Lake Michigan and all of this was lake effect snow.  

Welcome to Indiana :) 

I didn't mind shoveling aside from the fact that once we were done brushing off cars and mailboxes and shoveling walkways and driveways, you couldn't even tell we had done anything because it had snowed so much more. Great.  

Then I had to drop Emma off unexpectedly for her to attend the symphony with friends.  I saw multiple school buses in accidents trying to drop kiddos off at the same events.  The roads were ice covered and terrible.  

I realized I forgot to pay a bill the day before that was due. 

I remembered I needed to order Christmas cards from a place with REALLY expensive christmas cards who was offering free cards...only to see that the code had expired and I was late. 

I screamed at Calvin and then we sobbed together.  

My final crushing blow was melting something in the dryer.  I thought I had stuck it in with no heat but I guess I didn't and my item is ruined.  I called the manufacturer 4 times speaking with different departments but alas, they don't sell the replacement pieces seperately.  Or even have them at all.  A search on ebay and online produced nothing either.  So I sulked.  

Then I cried.  

Then I texted Nick "I've failed you as a wife and mother.  I'm leaving you all now,  Good bye." 

I'm thankful I've got the husband I have because Nick texted back "go do your devotions...now.  God always meets you in the bible right where you need."  

And of course he is right.  

Duh. 

And my day did get better because even though this could be bad...

 It brought this in the late afternoon, along with lots of hot cocoa breaks and laughing:

 There are times that it feels like God is practically shouting...

"I love you, Silly Goose!  See?  I told you I would provide!  Your patience pays off!  Just trust me already!"

And Monday we saw one of those times.  See these beauties?  These were the EXACT tiles I wanted for the fireplace front two years ago when we painted the living room.  But they are $16 a square foot.  We were shopping at Lowe's and I saw them sticking out behind some other piles of tiles.  (say piles of tiles three times fast...go! Bleh) They were on clearance for $3 a square foot!  There were ten squares of them!  So we loaded up the cart and hauled them to the front.  The edges were kind of ragged and Nick asked if they could knock off any more on the price.  The sales clerk took them down to $1 a square foot!  Unbelievable!  We looked when we got home and we might have to order one more sheet of them but other than that we have enough to do the entire fireplace!  How amazing is that?  Granted we waited two years but the patience paid off.  And if we end up needing 11 sheets, what originally would have been a $176.00 project will now cost us $26.00!  I just can't believe how amazing God's favor is!

My last piece of awesome-sauce news is that we have a legal team that is going up against our insurance company about Calvin...for what will be free for us!  I am so speechless.  It is just something we never could have imagined except in our wildest dreams.  It's a huge long story and I'm not sure how much of this I'm allowed to speak of but for now just know that God is providing.  And yesterday, through small glass tiles He reminded me again, that he is in charge of the little and the big.  It may not be my time or choice but He will always be there and is always working for the good of those who love Him.

So here's to today.  I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new in the morning.  I get a second chance!  May it be better than yesterday.  May we be able to block out the thoughts that we can't do this.  And May we be able to focus on the good rather than the bad.

Now go do your devotions...now!  :)

And When That Doesn't Work...Bribe Them :)

Last year we started in a horrible pattern.  Every day Emma would wake up and in this whiny voice would say "but I don't want to do school today!" 

Ugh.  It was kind of horrid.  Not even kind of horrid.  It was REALLY horrid.  

It made me loathe school and sad to say, kind of loathe having to wake Emma up every day. 

So this year when we started school I figured there just had to be a better way.  There's just gotta be.  

So I went with the method of bribery.  Yep...good ol' bribery.  

Bribery in the form of incentive charts.  Incentivizing, bribing...whatever you called it, it worked for us.  

I used these charts because they matched the rest of the owl stuff I bought for our classroom.  You put a sticker on each dot and when the owl gets to the moon (or what I think is the moon) you get an incentive.    

We have used these primarily for attitudes before and during school.  If Emma (and Cal has one too) has a good day with her attitude towards school...does everything without complaining or whining, then she gets a sticker.  

She's filled two sheets so far.  Her first one got her a jibbitz for her Crocs.  

This one she chose to go to Sweet Frog's Frozen Yogurt Shop.  

 I'm sorry, I know I'm biased here, but isn't she just the cutest little girl ever?  Like ever, ever?

 Here they are, so excited!!!!

 Emma went with watermelon fro yo with all kinds of skittles and candy.  Cal went with a couple different flavors with all kinds of candy!

So yummy!

This year the incentive charts have really worked out for us.  The kids love having something to work towards. Most days her change of heart and the habit part of being good has been what has worked but when we are having a bad day, having a reminder of why we have a good attitude and working towards something has been a really good thing for us to have.

What are some of your tactics to get your kiddos to behave?  Have you ever used bribery??  Do you now think I am a horrid mother?  :)

Unhealthy Picnic Date

Sometimes in life I think you just have to say "screw it" and make yourself a very unhealthy lunch...

I'm talking with sugar, white bread, white flour, and jelly...lots of oozy and goozy jelly.  

What do you do with this lunch?

Why would you commit such a diet sin?  

Well today I did it so I could sit on the living room floor on a blanket a little boy named Cal tried his best to spread out.  We put our lunches on the floor and had a little picnic.  

Emma was at art class so it was just the two of us.  

I got a jelly kiss from a little boy whose face was covered with it.

I'm in love.  

And today I made a memory with a little boy who got to eat junk food...on the floor!  With his Mama!  On a picnic date!!!

Be still my heart...eating white sugar and flour it totally worth it for this! 

Can't Do It All Myself...

Mondays are horrible here. 

Just horrible, I tell ya. 

Ugh...just thinking about yesterday exhausts me...that's how bad Mondays stink. 

Here's the schedule...

Take Cal to preschool
Come back home for homeschool
Pack Emma's lunch, pack her swimming bag, throw her in car
Pick Cal up from Preschool
Rush across town to Homeschool Gym while Emma eats her lunch in the car
Drop Emma off
Take Cal home
Make a super quick lunch
Rush Cal to Speech Therapy
Come home for Cal's nap
Usually I have to wake Cal up to go pick up Emma
Pick up Emma and come home
20 minutes later we leave for Emma's gymnastics
Drop Emma off at Gymnastics
Go to the bank to do the Girl Scout banking
Go home to start dinner
Go pick up Emma from gymnastics
Come home and meet my parents there
Feed childen, leave them with my parents and leave for grocery shopping

Whew!  It's a busy day indeed!

Last Monday after we got the children to bed I basically collapsed on the couch with Nick as I sobbed about what a failure I am at all of this. 

As a mother. 
As a wife.
As a homemaker.
As a teacher. 
As a Christian. 

Perhaps it's that perfectionism that always seems to creep up, or perhaps it's something else, but I cannot seem to see what I've accomplished, rather I only see what has not been done...

the dishes that are still on the dining room table from the night before (yikes!)
I am a day behind in my laundry schedule. 
I didn't fill the workboxes for school the night before.
I am way behind in ebaying.
I haven't showered in two days (sad but true). 

Last week I didn't blog.  I thought about it a million times but somehow Monday threw me off track and the rest of the week snowballed out of control.  It's hard for me when that happens because as you can see I focus on what I am doing wrong and suddenly instead of one whole day going wrong, it is an entire blasted week. 

Eek. 

I read a mom blog this week that really convited my heart.  It talked about how I will never ever have the strength to do all of this on my own.  I just can't.  Some days I am doing the work of what feels like 5 moms. 

But Christ has the strength. 

And it penetrated my heart so much that I can't find the blog to save my life.  Pathetic, right?

I was directed to 1 peter this week.  As I was reading the last part, I felt like God was hugging me as I read 1 Peter 5....

1 Peter 5:6,7 (NIV)
 "⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Well duh.  I know this.  I mean, I KNOW this.  Really well.  So many times I have felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  And I've cried out to God to help me. 

I'd like to use a lifeline...

And of course the Lord helps me.  But for some reason I've forgotten to actually ask God for help.  I've complained to him.  I've ranted to him.  But I've never boldly approached the throne to ask for some of His strength. 

Again, you may now call me an idiot :)

And of course God continued to reassure me that He's got my back...

 1 Peter 5:10, 11 says...

^"10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹ To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Help is on it's way. 

And it really was.  Wednesday night I relied on God and was able to hack away at organizing the classroom into a useable area, I got school papers ready for the next day and was able to rock school Thursday and Friday.  I also managed to not forget any other obligations like I had been before. 

So hopefully this week will be awesome.  I'm going to rely on God and ask him for His strength to sustain and lead me. 

If you have more on your plate today, I encourage you to read 1 Peter 5 and to go before God and ask him for his strength and grace.  He's waiting to be asked and He is crazy in love with you!!!

Happy Monday!

Signing Time

Sign language.

Our good old friend has managed to stick around.

When Emma was little, little we began teaching her signs.  Not that I had any idea what I was doing...it was more through looking at books and watching Baby Einstein videos together.

She learned milk, more, done, and of course as displayed above, I love you.

When Cal came around and refused to talk it became very clear why God had led us down the path of signing.  We had to sign everything with that kid.  And suddenly instead of signing just for the fun of it and learning new things, we were signing out of necessity.

When Cal was two I was learning how to sign complete sentences...researching signs for emotions and how to sign what he needed to do.  My dear sister in law had taken sign language in color and was there to offer signing text books to me and help me with questions.

It was a hard, hard time in our life.

And then Cal started talking.  Then he stopped talking in favor of signing so we basically stopped signing all together.

Today we hardly sign at all.  We have discussed teaching the kids sign language as a language, but haven't completely decided.

And even though we hardly sign around here, the good old "I love you" has stuck around...I think that one's here to stay.

Wetting the Bed

These days, as my blog name suggests, I am "Super Busy at Home".  Lately it's been..."Super Busy at Home Changing Calvin's Sheets". 

Ugh. 

He is only 4 years old.  I know that's still little. 

In the last weeks we have taking to having nightly accidents. 

And once in a while would be okay. 

But did I mention they are almost every night?

Ugh. 

So this morning I just cringed when I heard his little feet hit the floor upstairs at 4:20 a.m.

Lord, give me mercy on him. 

Help me not to kill him.

Help me, help me, help me...

Just kidding...I wouldn't kill him. 

It was just that ideal moment, ya know...first cup of coffee in hand. It was after all 4:20 in THE MORNING

So Mommy put the coffee down (put the coffee down and no one will get hurt just echoed through my head).  And went to get the little dearie. 

I ran hot water in the sink to wash him down, frankly because I was too lazy to run a bath. 

And do you know what he said to me? 

Don't wipe off my tatoo.

Classy.  Totally Calvin. 

Okay, baby boy.  Momma won't rub off the tatoo on your forearm.  Don't worry...not going all gangbangers on the scrubbing or anything. 

I've got the moves like Jagger, moves like Jagger...Oh sorry, sometimes I sing those things to myself while scrubbing down peed boys and it makes me feel all stealth...surely Mick Jagger's doing this fun stuff too, right?  :)

So tonight I gotta tell ya.  I was too sleepy to even remake his bed and track down another matress protector gizmo (what is that even called? Work brain, work!) I know.  I am a lame mom.

So I threw the kid in our bed. 

Emma's "not fair-o meter" has been recalibrated lately, letting her sense even the slightest discrepencies.  So she woke up too. 

She wants to sleep in our bed too. 

Yeah! 

So that's been my morning.  Anyone have any suggestions on how to get this kid to not pee? Or bodily functions I'm down with, but maybe he could do it in the toilet...novel idea!  In my wonderful parenting moves I've even threatened not taking him to Disney.  I think I said something like "Mickey doesn't want you peeing in his beds either" or something of the sort.  He just echoed back the glassy, sleepy stare that I am sure I have and didn't say anything. 

How come my best mom moves no longer work?   Why can't I make kids cry anymore? 

Ugh.  I'm so lame at my job. 

Now if you'll excuse me, me and my Jagger moves are going to go work on making a matress not smell like urine. 

Yeah! I've got the moves like Jagger!

My Planner

Those who know me know that I am a very organized person...sometimes no where else but in my head, but nevertheless, I like to at least feel organized. 

I have always had a planner.  The school I went to believed in planners and supplied us with at the beginning of every school year.  I cannot tell you the joy I felt when I received that new planner every year.  It was such a thrill to have a new one to fill in with my orderly duties pertaining to homework. 

And as I have grown so has my love of all things planners.  When I was a business girl I had the ones that matched my outfits that I could put a notebook into...you know, the big honkin' ones. 

The past few years Nick has been getting these lovely leather bound planners with the beautiful gold trimmed pages and satin ribbon placeholder.  He always writes something wildly spectacular in them at the front and then I have that to look at all through the year. 

I still have that planner and love it with all of my heart.  But for Mother's Day, Nick's cousin Jodee got me the planner you are about to see below and I love it!  It was such a breath of fresh air...which incidentally describes Jodee as well.  I love her and love being around her...she's such a godly woman who I take such joy in being around...hi Jodee!  Hi! 

Anyway back to my planner explanation...

It isn't my poor old planner's fault but I was so used to the design and layout that my eyes were just running over it and not reading  anything.  Does that may sense at all?  I would write "Nick's Birthday"  and then realize as I was writing "Nick's Birthday" under it that I had already written it.  My eyes were just skipping over everything because it all looked the same to me.  (Reading this sounds like I am totally lame, but I just.can't.delete.)

Here are some things I like about my new planner:

The days are side by side and I can look at the whole week in one glance.  The top portion is for my schedule and then you can write in everyone else's schedules.  Since we don't have enough kiddos to take up all of the spaces I have a row for "Lucy/Roscoe" (flea treatment, heart worm pills, vet appointments), and "$" (bills coming due, when Nick's paid to remember to check the bank and make sure everything's correct). 

I am one of those people that if I don't write something down I perpetually think about it.  Over and over and over and over.  It's pretty maddening.  But if I write it down it just kind of, poof, goes out of my head and I know I don't need to try to remember it anymore. 

Here's the cover of my planner.  By default, it has to be pink...of course.  Boy howdy does Jodee know me :)

Jodee was sooo excted to show me the best part of the planner...stickers!!!  There are oodles for all of the fun activities the kids do.  I just love them! 

I stick my schedule in the front of the planner.  This is my daily cleaning schedule, just so ya know.  This is how I keep myself sane and tidy. 

This one's blurry but in the back there are 3 prooferated lists per sheet that are for shopping lists...I have a perpetual shopping list going at all times.  Again, so I can get it out of my mind, onto paper, and just forget about it. 

A card holer on the back.  I haven't put a card in there yet but when someone gives you one when you are out and about it's nice to have somewhere to put them. 

I swear I tried to flip this picture 18,000 times and it still looks like this!  But anyway, this is on the cover of the planner and it helps keep me grounded.  And whose time this really is.  I can try to plan as much as I want, but ultimately He's in charge of this life. 

If you like my planner you can click here to order your own.  No one's paying me to say this...I just like the dern thing. 

Whatever you use, just remember to get organized and stay organized.  An organized mom makes for an organized home and an organized home is a peaceful, happy home. 

Serving in the Home

Photo courtesy of Beth Mann

Who doesn't feel this way sometimes?  I know I do.  Sometimes it feels as if there really is a chance my precious angelic children are out to sabatoge me.  In fact just this morning I discovered that there's either a barbie head or a peach pit in the drain of the downstairs bathroom sink.  I'm not finding out...I'll let Nick :)

I came across this verse this morning in my devotions:

"If anyone serves, they should do so with the strength God provides, so that in all things God may be praised through Jesus Christ. To him be the glory and the power for ever and ever. Amen." 1 Peter 4:11b

Now, I've read this verse before but it spoke differently to me this time. Don't you just love that about the word of God?  It speaks to us differently and shows itself new and in different ways. 

Anywho, this morning I read this verse in regards to serving my children and family.  In regards to serving in the home. 

Rather than complain about the piles of clothes I sometimes muddle through or the beds I find with toys shoved under them, I should take care of the mess in a godly way and do it with a serving heart. 

I want everything I do to bring glory to God.  Whether anyone else can see it is irrelevant...because God can see it.  He knows my heart behind things. 

I also love the part of the verse that talks about the strength God provides because honestly there are a lot of times when I am just sick and tired of cleaning the same things over and over and over and over...day in and day out.  But I know that it is God who gives me the strength to do it.  And I know that He's there that I can reach out in times when I feel desperation and anxiety creeping in. 

Mildew doesn't take care of itself you know :) 

Let God be your strength today.  Lean on him and He'll stand you upright :)  And if things seem HORRIBLE and you just can't go on, try looking at things with new eyes...you are taking care of your little blessings and your home which God has given...take care of things for Him. 

"The profound impact that a solid marriage, familial love, and godly order has on the children in a Christian home is dramatic." ~Passionate Housewives Desperate for God

I am currently reading/have been reading this book forever and I just love the quote above.  Nick and I mulled over it last night and have made it our parenting mantra.  It is just so true.  What we do and how we raise these children affects them for the rest of their lives. 

Often I get so caught up in the day to day, so overwhelmed by the needs of the everyday that I forget the big picture. 

The bottom line is that my ministry is these children.  Our life, leading them to Christ, raising them to somehow manage without their mother, that is what I am doing here. 

The quote has helped me to put it in perspective.  My children need to have our marriage strong, and our home filled with order and our family's love. 

Happy Tuesday!

My Go-to Foods

photo by dabasir

I think every mom has an arsenal of foods that they can just grab and give to their kids. I have some that are the first thing I find myself reaching for at meal times. What are yours? Are you proud of them or do you wince when you reach for them, thinking there should be healthier things that you should be grabbing for? Here are some of the things I am reaching for:

Gerber cereal bites (Emma calls them little flowers)

Whole Wheat Club Crackers
Barbara's Shredded Bites cereal

Shredded Cheese

Grapes

Most of these things I think are pretty darn good. The kids also enjoy a variety of vegetables and other fruit but these are my go to things that I know the kids will love to eat. The only things I really have my qualms about are the Club crackers simply because of the salt and the fact that I often wonder if they are getting too many carbs.

One of my tricks for getting Emma to eat is to give the food to Calvin first. She seems to think that she needs to outdo him by eating what he eats.

What are your tricks to get your kids to eat? What are your go to foods that you pick for your children?

Like Mother, Like Daughter

Well here Emma and I are together...doesn't she look like me? Nowadays this family of four gets told how much Emma looks like me and how much Calvin looks like Nick...it is kind of uncanny. I love my little mini-me taggina along everywhere...I am wearing my pearl earrings by the way...if you want to say how nice they look.

Baby Items

When you are pregnant nowadays you go to the huge store and register. There is so much crap that you feel a little overwhelmed. When I was pregnant with Emma there were girls I knew who were pregnant at the same time as me; as I poured over their registries I felt so inadequate because I was missing so much stuff off of my registry. However I got the last laugh because so much stuff you just DON'T NEED! People please let me in on a secret...the baby business is a business just like everything else...Christmas time, old people scams, back to school. Here is a short list of things I think you should leave off of your list:

Wipes Warmer: nice except that several have been recalled for setting people's houses on fire. Do you want the fire started in the nursery? Probably not. Also it just makes the baby scream even louder when you are changing your baby in a public bathroom with cold wipes

Bumbo chair: Trust me, they will learn to sit up when they are good and ready. Otherwise you can buy them some type of custom-made pillow to support them while in their college classes

Robes/towels/washcloths in gender specific colors: okay this one I learned the hard way or should I say Calvin has learned the hard way by having pink towels...sorry buddy. Somethings can just be white or yellow

Outfits in 0-3 month size: at this size all they can really wear are p.j's and you'll be so tired that you won't want to be a wardrobe coordinator anyway

Things Called Burpcloths: grab a blanket or get some cloth diapers because the burpcloths aren't absorbant and are small. Socks, dishcloths, anything begins to look appealing to catch spit up when you are covered in it

Travel Systems: Again I bought into this one because of the convenience of the putting the carseat in the stroller. But both of my kids were too big for the carseat by the time they were 6 months old and lets face it, those strollers are freaking enormous!!! Ours is nicely stored in the attic while our umbrella stroller is used on a daily basis.

A Bassinett: both of my kids hated ours...which is a shame because its so cute!

Please note that if you have these I am very happy for you. I am sure they are fine items; I am just sharing my opinions and what has worked for us. I hope this has given you some direction if you were in need of any.

Let the Screaming Commence

Things here in Beantown are going pretty well. Nick is adorable, Emma is cantankerous, and Calvin is hilarious. So everyone seems to be occupied with being fun and happy right now. Emma is in her terrible two’s and she has such anger issues. She reminds me so much of myself that it is kind of ridiculous. She has taken to yelling when she doesn’t like something. For example, naptime. Emma used to take her nap on the sofa. It involved a long process of me having to prepare her a cup of milk and then laying down with her until she fell asleep. Then I would have to get Calvin and go upstairs and couldn’t come back down for fear of waking her. Plus if Calvin cried at all, even a tiny bit, during her falling asleep, she wouldn’t fall asleep. I decided that it was just ridiculous to jump through the hoops anymore…especially since I found her one day watching reruns of “I love Lucy”…the squirt wasn’t even napping she was just making us suffer upstairs so she could have some alone time with the plasma. So we have taken to napping in our crib for nap time. She has been napping in her crib for a week now and everyday I put her in her crib with a cup of water and some books and her stuffed animals and explain to her that she doesn’t have to sleep but she needs to relax and can read books or play. And every day she cries and screams and then one by one I hear her throw her books out of her bed. And then her cup. And she screams “I will not take a nap in my bed.” Over and over and over. How fun. Last night while we were driving she was screaming at Nicholas for driving “Daddy not drive, Emma drive!” Yes okay, lets pull over and the two of you can trade places. I was shopping with her for Father’s Day and I kept saying I was going to tickle her; so she’s screaming “I will not be tickled!” So here’s my question…am I raising a spoiled bratty little girl or is this normal? Its hard to find some middle ground here. I don’t want to just let the screaming and demanding go unpunished but I also don’t want her to feel as though I am beating her all of the time. Do you know what I mean? Please, someone give me some helpful insight into this.