I bought the Oxi-Clean

Yesterday Calvin and I went out shopping. 

There was this mondo tub of Tide Oxi Clean for $8.99.  It was enough for 8 million loads.  Or 108.  Either way, it was a lot. 

So I decided to buy it.  When I got to a place that actually had cell reception I googled it and found it is selling for $25 at several stores. 

Holy Yoinks I got a deal, y'all!

I was so super excited. 

I got home and it had all of these things you could do with it.  See, it's not just for clothes it explains.  You can use it on soft surfaces, hard surfaces, and laundry. 

May I just say that trying to look at your house through the eyes of hard surfaces and soft surfaces is just weird to me.  It takes me some thought.

Anyway...

My house was going to be super clean.  This was the missing piece to our household.  People will rave about how spotless all surfaces hard and soft are.  I'll be in the newspaper...

So I took the mondo tub of Oxi up to the bathroom and decided I would clean the tub. 

That's a hard surface for those of you trying to keep up ;)

I made the solution as the package said and got to scrubbing.  That's when my eyes started watering and my head started pounding.  When I was done my nose holes (nostrils to the common man) felt like they were raw.

Now I haven't tried it in the laundry and maybe I was just too close to the mondo tubs solution that I whipped up but something in it didn't like me.  Or vice versa. 

I went out of the bathroom and back in.  It smelled so laundry fresh clean.  All I could think is that I was breathing in harmful phlebates or phosphates or whatever the heck those harmful chemicals are.  But it smelled nice and my shower was clean so I decided to breathe it in, dying contentedly.

And as I cleaned the sink I scrubbed along thinking how Oxi Clean kind of represents the rest of my life. 

Did I mention there were fumes?

What I mean is, I am always trying to find that elusive missing puzzle of my messed up life.  The one that will change everything.  That will make me stand out.  The one that will help me to finally not feel like such a screw up at this mothering and homemaking thing.  The one where I will finally get it right. 

But here is what I know and as I am getting older I know this to be true...

There's a perfect piece and God already nailed it on a cross so I don't have to get it right. 

It's already right.

And when I try to take life back and say, it's not perfect enough, let me try some more, well that's just sin talking. 

God lives in me.  I need to rely on Him and His Holy Spirit to fuel me, to empower me, to enable me, to remind me that this isn't about me.

It's not about how clean my house is or how well I can be a mom. 

I no longer need to look for a missing piece.  I am made whole and complete through asking Jesus into my heart all those years ago.

With all of my fume induced life thoughts coming at you please allow me to leave this verse with you:

“5 Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires. 6 The mind governed by the flesh is death, but the mind governed by the Spirit is life and peace.”

— Romans 8:5-6

I pray that you will be filled with God's spirit today and that you set your mind on what God wants for your life: a life of peace.  And if you don't know God it is never too late to ask Him into your heart.  You can read all about how here.  He's the missing piece that has made my life whole! 

Now I just need to remember that and stop chasing lofty goals.

Now, back to the fumes... ;)

Cleaning the Homeschool Slate

Freshening up the homeschool room.  That is what I am doing this week. 

I am a chronic "can't get this right-er".

The first semester I start out with very high hopes of how the homeschooling year is going to go.  I am going to rock the socks off of these kids.  They will learn so much.  Fireworks will go off.  Marching bands will play.  It will be glorious. 

Sadly, we start right after Labor Day in September and by Halloween, October is ending, and I am holding on by the skin of my teeth when it comes to lesson plans: we're grotesquely behind in grammar and math, no one has been able to find the science book for a couple of weeks now, and Latin has become "reviewing flashcards" rather than actually diving into any form of lesson.

Oh how lovely.

From there it is a steep, falling down a slope with jagged rocks fall into some sort of pit we could simply just call Christmas Vacation.

It ain't pretty friends. 

Those weeks between Halloween and Thanksgiving are littered with Halloween worksheets we didn't get to, Thanksgiving crafts that have no merit of learning in them (they would have had we not been doing them the past three years and so now they are tradition and cannot be deemed learning as both of the children are too young for any of the crafts). I try to do schoolwork somedays when we are not plastered with ballet practice for the Nutcracker or bell ringing with Boy Scouts, therapy, cooking, cleaning, baking, and parties.  AHHHH!!!!!

So now that all of the misery is behind us we are in the new year, it's a chance for me to start over and try to figure all of this out.  Again. 

Again, again.

And probably one more again thrown in for good measure.

Can any other homeschool Mama's relate? 

Can I get an Amen?

And that's just talking about our lesson plans not to talk about how the classroom looks like it's trying to eat itself by the time we get to Christmas.  How I bought all of these cool manipulatives before school started and have pretty much forgotten where I even put them.  Epic.mom.fail.

It's always amazing to me though how God takes these failures of mine and shows his grace to me through it all.

And unlike the post Christmas trash and clutter is a constant reminder of my failures, God takes our failures and wipes the slate clean.  Like it didn't happen.  How amazing is that?  I don't have to have a constant reminder of my clutter, of my disorganization, of the lack of time I spent when I should have to put things away rather than let them pile up and pile up.  Rather I can clean it up and there will be no trace of what was here.  Just like God's grace.

I have to tell ya I am an organizational book junkie.  I could sit for hours reading about how to organize and clean, what to use, etc. etc. Unfortunately the problem with those is that those hours spent on the couch reading those books doesn't actually clean hour house. Darn.  But a tip I learned from one of those books is to look at the space where whatever you are picking up actually was.  Acknowledge the spot of floor you can see when you pick up the pile of race cars, or whatever.  But see the cleanliness you have made in what could be a sea of dirtiness. 

Amazing friends.  Simply amazing.  And so today whatever junk you are cleaning up I encourage you to take the time to see what you have cleaned up and acknowledge that.  Be it the box of gift boxes that finally got put in the attic (that would be me I am looking at here!) or laundry you are determined to tackle, or whatever!  Acknowledge what you have gotten done rather than focus on how dirty the other parts are.  I think that's the best any of us can do, right?

I'll be here trying to get all of this right but fortunately we have the power of the Holy Spirit we can call on.  We don't have to do this alone sweet friends!  How amazing is that? 

Let's roll up our sleeves, wipe our slates clean (with God or in our homeschooling rooms!) and let's face our second chance in the face with a smile. 

Happy Monday friends!

What are you all working on this week?  I'd love to know so I can encourage and pray for you!  Comment below :)

A Rough Day and Remembering God's Blessings

Yesterday was rough.  At 9 in the morning Emma and I went out to shovel (Cal was sick in bed with the stomach flu) and I just had to measure it.  Nick was at work half an hour south of us and reported when I called that they had only a light dusting and some flurries.  But at home we had 7 inches!  When he left home at 6 he said it was just a few flurries and nothing on the ground which means that in 3 hours we had 7 inches of snow fall. Unbelievable!  Well, I wish I could say unbelievable but truthfully this is the way it is in Northern Indiana.  The weather comes to us from over Lake Michigan and all of this was lake effect snow.  

Welcome to Indiana :) 

I didn't mind shoveling aside from the fact that once we were done brushing off cars and mailboxes and shoveling walkways and driveways, you couldn't even tell we had done anything because it had snowed so much more. Great.  

Then I had to drop Emma off unexpectedly for her to attend the symphony with friends.  I saw multiple school buses in accidents trying to drop kiddos off at the same events.  The roads were ice covered and terrible.  

I realized I forgot to pay a bill the day before that was due. 

I remembered I needed to order Christmas cards from a place with REALLY expensive christmas cards who was offering free cards...only to see that the code had expired and I was late. 

I screamed at Calvin and then we sobbed together.  

My final crushing blow was melting something in the dryer.  I thought I had stuck it in with no heat but I guess I didn't and my item is ruined.  I called the manufacturer 4 times speaking with different departments but alas, they don't sell the replacement pieces seperately.  Or even have them at all.  A search on ebay and online produced nothing either.  So I sulked.  

Then I cried.  

Then I texted Nick "I've failed you as a wife and mother.  I'm leaving you all now,  Good bye." 

I'm thankful I've got the husband I have because Nick texted back "go do your devotions...now.  God always meets you in the bible right where you need."  

And of course he is right.  

Duh. 

And my day did get better because even though this could be bad...

 It brought this in the late afternoon, along with lots of hot cocoa breaks and laughing:

 There are times that it feels like God is practically shouting...

"I love you, Silly Goose!  See?  I told you I would provide!  Your patience pays off!  Just trust me already!"

And Monday we saw one of those times.  See these beauties?  These were the EXACT tiles I wanted for the fireplace front two years ago when we painted the living room.  But they are $16 a square foot.  We were shopping at Lowe's and I saw them sticking out behind some other piles of tiles.  (say piles of tiles three times fast...go! Bleh) They were on clearance for $3 a square foot!  There were ten squares of them!  So we loaded up the cart and hauled them to the front.  The edges were kind of ragged and Nick asked if they could knock off any more on the price.  The sales clerk took them down to $1 a square foot!  Unbelievable!  We looked when we got home and we might have to order one more sheet of them but other than that we have enough to do the entire fireplace!  How amazing is that?  Granted we waited two years but the patience paid off.  And if we end up needing 11 sheets, what originally would have been a $176.00 project will now cost us $26.00!  I just can't believe how amazing God's favor is!

My last piece of awesome-sauce news is that we have a legal team that is going up against our insurance company about Calvin...for what will be free for us!  I am so speechless.  It is just something we never could have imagined except in our wildest dreams.  It's a huge long story and I'm not sure how much of this I'm allowed to speak of but for now just know that God is providing.  And yesterday, through small glass tiles He reminded me again, that he is in charge of the little and the big.  It may not be my time or choice but He will always be there and is always working for the good of those who love Him.

So here's to today.  I'm so thankful that God's mercies are new in the morning.  I get a second chance!  May it be better than yesterday.  May we be able to block out the thoughts that we can't do this.  And May we be able to focus on the good rather than the bad.

Now go do your devotions...now!  :)

Kicking Satan to the Curb After Moms' Night Out

Last night my good friend, Amber, invited me to a Mom's event at her church.  It was so cute!  They had an adorable popcorn bar and little bottles of water.  It was such a neat idea.  

This is the movie we watched. If you haven't watched it or heard of it allow me to congratulate you for finally coming out from under your rock.  This was the second time I've watched it and it is so, so funny.  If you ever want to feel like someone else just get's you then you need to see this movie. Go.now.  I'll wait...

 Growing up as a Pastor's Kid I totally related to the Pastor's Daughter.  And I can totally get the main character.  I mean,the woman homeschool's for pete's sake...it's like she's a friend of mine and doesn't know it yet!  

One of my favorite scenes from the movie is the one in jail.  I love the quote below said by Trace Adkins' character: 

On the way home I was thinking of how great and how sad this event was.  I mean, about 100 mother's came together who all have at one time or another (or every single day) felt like a complete and utter failure in this job of motherhood God has given us to do.  

How sad is that?  

I got to thinking of why we find ourselves beating ourselves up, unable to find satisfaction in our "job performance".  Unable to feel happy in this life we wanted for ourselves.  

At first I thought it was society.  And to an extent it is...pinterest, facebook, instagram...we moms need look no further than our phones and laptops to find other moms seemingly doing this journey through motherhood better dressed, smarter, cleaner, and more organized.  

What a world this is.  But even more than that I think there is an underlying cause.  He's always there...it's Satan.  

When I realized that it was kind of a "duh" moment for me. 

 After all John 10:10 says " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

 I read this blog a while ago which had spoken of this, but somehow over time I had forgotten how it happens.  (It's a wonderful read and all moms should read it! Go now.  I'll wait... :) )

And there it is.  So clear.  With the press of facebook when I feel imperfect and lonely throughout the day, I am opening the door to let Satan come on in and take my joy.  He steals from me and destroys my confidence and kills and thought that I could ever do this mom thing right in the first place.  He gets me right where he wants me.  

But here's a thought... what if I can fend him off?  What if my children could just have me do what God made me to do and see joy on my face as I live life as their Momma?  Well that would be living out the promise God gives in the second part of the verse...I would have life and would be living abundantly. And I wouldn't be living just for me but my daughter would be seeing how much joy motherhood brings.  

 And so with the help of movie night my sweet friend invited me to, I've come to realize what I need to do...I need to be more vigilant in watching for Satan's attacks.  I need to show joy in being a Mom.  I need to serve the Lord through scrubbing toilets, changing under-jams, and making beds.  And I want to encourage you too.  Just think, if we could stop the devil in his tracks with this, we might spare our girls from growing up feeling these same crummy thoughts of not being good enough. Not being able to get in front of it. Always being a failure.

That is something I will gladly do.  In Jesus' name!

Love you all!  :)

Kicking Satan to the Curb After Moms' Night Out

Last night my good friend, Amber, invited me to a Mom's event at her church.  It was so cute!  They had an adorable popcorn bar and little bottles of water.  It was such a neat idea.  

This is the movie we watched. If you haven't watched it or heard of it allow me to congratulate you for finally coming out from under your rock.  This was the second time I've watched it and it is so, so funny.  If you ever want to feel like someone else just get's you then you need to see this movie. Go.now.  I'll wait...

 Growing up as a Pastor's Kid I totally related to the Pastor's Daughter.  And I can totally get the main character.  I mean,the woman homeschool's for pete's sake...it's like she's a friend of mine and doesn't know it yet!  

One of my favorite scenes from the movie is the one in jail.  I love the quote below said by Trace Adkins' character: 

On the way home I was thinking of how great and how sad this event was.  I mean, about 100 mother's came together who all have at one time or another (or every single day) felt like a complete and utter failure in this job of motherhood God has given us to do.  

How sad is that?  

I got to thinking of why we find ourselves beating ourselves up, unable to find satisfaction in our "job performance".  Unable to feel happy in this life we wanted for ourselves.  

At first I thought it was society.  And to an extent it is...pinterest, facebook, instagram...we moms need look no further than our phones and laptops to find other moms seemingly doing this journey through motherhood better dressed, smarter, cleaner, and more organized.  

What a world this is.  But even more than that I think there is an underlying cause.  He's always there...it's Satan.  

When I realized that it was kind of a "duh" moment for me. 

 After all John 10:10 says " The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy.  I came that they may have life and have it abundantly." 

 I read this blog a while ago which had spoken of this, but somehow over time I had forgotten how it happens.  (It's a wonderful read and all moms should read it! Go now.  I'll wait... :) )

And there it is.  So clear.  With the press of facebook when I feel imperfect and lonely throughout the day, I am opening the door to let Satan come on in and take my joy.  He steals from me and destroys my confidence and kills and thought that I could ever do this mom thing right in the first place.  He gets me right where he wants me.  

But here's a thought... what if I can fend him off?  What if my children could just have me do what God made me to do and see joy on my face as I live life as their Momma?  Well that would be living out the promise God gives in the second part of the verse...I would have life and would be living abundantly. And I wouldn't be living just for me but my daughter would be seeing how much joy motherhood brings.  

 And so with the help of movie night my sweet friend invited me to, I've come to realize what I need to do...I need to be more vigilant in watching for Satan's attacks.  I need to show joy in being a Mom.  I need to serve the Lord through scrubbing toilets, changing under-jams, and making beds.  And I want to encourage you too.  Just think, if we could stop the devil in his tracks with this, we might spare our girls from growing up feeling these same crummy thoughts of not being good enough. Not being able to get in front of it. Always being a failure.

That is something I will gladly do.  In Jesus' name!

Love you all!  :)

Crushing Comparison

Comparison.  

It's one of the worst habits I have.  

Every day I seem to try to compare our lives to others around us.  

I try to homeschool like others I see...in blogs, in friends, in some imaginary perfect world my mind seems to create as co-mingling of everything I see.  I try to keep house like books, commercials, and magazines suggest.  I try to be the wife as soap operas, movies, and reality television hints at being.  

I try to do these silly, foolish things because I compare my life to others.  I compare what I have and how I act to how they are and what they have. And to what I think others think I should be. 

And suddenly within an instant of seeing what people make on pinterest, the perfect lives they display on facebook, the blogs that tout the amazingly patient homeschooling mother: suddenly my life just doesn't seem good enough.  My abilities don't add up to what is required to be a good wife, mother, teacher. We don't have good enough things, I don't keep our house decorated as well as I should.  My husband's not romantic enough.  My children aren't well behaved enough.  This house of cards built on the foundation of comparison comes crashing down.

Comparison takes our joy. It takes our happiness.  It makes us miserable about a life that should make us happy down to our very core.  

We are after all so blessed beyond measure. Blessed with things and love and people that God gives us that we don't in any way deserve.

By comparing my life to others I diminish God's ability to give me what is perfect for my own uinique situation.  In a way, comparison is throwing back into God's face what He has given us.  Saying it's not good enough;  That what we have in mind surely must be better than what He came up with.  

And seriously, when put like that, how dumb does it sound?  

I decided to blog about this when I came across some articles on Pinterest titled things like "20 things to do to be happier each day"  or "4 things that will ruin your homeschooling".  I'm not linking to them because there is absolutely nothing wrong with those blogs and are written my wonderful women.  

But the bullet point each article contained that said something generic like "don't compare your life to others" left me wanting more of an explanation.  I mean, that I know.  I get it.  But the hard thing for me, the obstacle I struggle with is, "how do you actually stop comparing?"  How do you make your views and your life be good enough for you?  

To stop comparing, these are some things I have done:

*Take a Facebook break

I think the time period you do this for, well, this kind of revolves around your habit of checking it.  Do you check it once a day?  Maybe go a week without it.  Check it every hour?  Even going a day without it could break your cycle of dependency on finding out what everyone else is doing.  Even sub-consciously you may be sizing yourself up to everyone else without even noticing.

*Make a gratitude journal.  I began doing this after reading

One Thousand Gifts: A Dare to Live Fully Right Where You Are by Ann Voskamp

 It has so truly helped.  Writing simple and yet complex blessings God gives like "light slanting through autumn leaves outside kitchen window" gives me a profound new viewpoint which helps me to see the every day as a gift and to actively seek out and establish blessings for what they truly are.  

*View yourself in a better light

I so often find fault in myself.  The other day a mom was talking to me while Emma was in ballet class.  She complimented me on how well behaved my children are.  I found myself, in looking back to be a humiliating way, talking about how it's because I have them on a schedule and then proceeding to tell her how it's so bad that they're on a schedule and how they now depend too much on their schedules.  Rather than simply accept the compliment I had to distort and twist it until I made it into something bad that I do.  

How weird is that?  So seek out what you do, and what you do well. Own those things. Find things that you are good at and bask in them rather than try to find fault in yourself.  By doing that we can stop wanting to be like others and simply partake in being ourselves. 

I read a book recently that said something like "quit comparing your outtake reel to someone else's highlights video".  Do you get that?  I had this problem especially with Facebook.  I would look at someone else's photos of their perfectly dressed children from their most recent photo shoot and suddenly the last bit of confidence I had while sitting in my cruddy sweats on my discount couch in our dusty house crumbles and I feel inadequate and poor and a failure as a mother.  

All because I saw a photo.  

Yikes.

People often times only show what they want you to see.  You don't see the bad, the ugly, the tired, the fights.  But so often you are shown their best while you're in your worst.

Sound familiar?

 By remembering that their best is not the only side of them can help you to stop comparison and to remember that they are broken people in a broken world too, just like you.  

I hope this list helps you.  I have gotten a lot better at not comparing our life to the lives of others I see.  I've been able to say to myself "okay I may not be able to do that but there are lots of other things I am good at" and just leave it at that.  I hope today you can squash any comparison going on in your mind and you can store up the joy you have in your heart because of the life God has blessed you with.  

Happy weekend sweet friends! 

Note: This blog contains affiliate links.  You can read my full disclosure policy here

Pardon Our Mess...

Monday night is when we take the kids to my mom and dad's and then we go out for grocery shopping/date time.  Monday night we went to a little local burger joint on the river.  We sat outside, had our meal and a beer, then went on our way.  It seemed so peaceful.  We then went to Target.  We had heard during the drive there about some rain coming.  No biggie it seemed.  When we were in Target we could hear the thunder and the rain and it did seem to be raining pretty hard but by the time we got out (I got some killer clearance curtains by the way!) it was barely drizzling.  We went to get the kiddos at my parents house.  As it turned out my parents had had a power surge and the fire department was checking it out as a precaution.  

If only that had been the only excitement that night...

A couple blocks from our house I noticed it seemed awfully dark.  Then we came to an intersection where the light wasn't working so we knew there was no power.  When we came to turn on our street police tape stopped us.  

Uh-oh.  

It was terrifying knowing something had gone on but it was so dark we couldn't see what it was.  All we could really do was pray.   In the morning this is what we saw.  You'll forgive me if some of these pictures are hard to make out...

Here's a tree lying over our street.  Squashed two cars.  Our neighbors house is on the right hand side of the picture.  The tree was 4 feet from his windows.  

 There's a squashed Mercedes in there somewhere...

 Here's my 6 foot 4 inch husband next to the root system of the upheaved tree.  He's not yelling by the way :)

 This branch is lying on our roof which you can partially see in the right corner.  The power lines look all helter skelter because the branch basically scooped them up in two different places and twisted them all around.

Here's our tree in the back of the house snapped in half.  Yikes.  

 We don't know the progression but we think our tree snapped this electric pole in half.  When our tree came down it grabbed up everyone's wires and then ripped everyone's meter boxes off of their houses.  Just lovely.

We live in a Nationally Registered Historic district which means everything is really old and really close together.  Our block is a triangle block where all of our backyards touch.  To have these huge trees come down and have no one hurt is just amazing to me.  God's hand was definitely on our house.  Nick was just shaking his head saying the tree behind our house defied gravity and defied physics by not falling into our house.  But that's how God rolls.

All of this happened Monday and it is now Sunday.  We were without power until Thursday when it came back on (thank the Lord!).  We still have some huge chunks of wood to get rid of but other than that we are business as usual here.

Now I just have piles of laundry to catch up on.  I'll take that any day though :)

Hope you all survived the storms safely!  God is good, all of the time!

Starting off the Right Way

I never intentionally mean to get off track.  And don't get me wrong, every day I have something to do with God.  I don't think I ever go a day without talking to him, singing his praises.

But some days I get too rushed to sit down and have a proper quiet time with Him.  And before I know it way too many days have gone by between my alone times with Him.

This morning my poor husband had the job of dragging my body out of bed before he left for work.  I groggily sat on the couch at 3:45 a.m...I think trying to figure out where I was :P  . 

But once I figured it out I was able to start my morning off with the word of God and some iced coffee.  I mean, is there anything better than that?  I've been working through the book above, Seasons of a Mother's Heart by Sally Clarkson.  It's dubbed as "Heart to Heart Encouragement for Homeschool Moms"  but I think any Mama could benefit from the suggested scripture reading and encouragement.  

Last night I found myself emailing a dear, dear friend who lives in Florida. She is one of those rare souls (Kindred Spirit as Anne Shirley would say) who I found myself asking...is it just me or do you often feel suffocated by being a mom and at home?  Ugh.  Sometimes it just seems like it's all too much to take.  

So today I'm starting my day off on the right foot.  I know that that will make a difference in my attitude and will hopefully go a long way in getting me back into the habit of daily devotions and quiet time with God.  

Hope you are starting your week off right :) 

My love to you all! 

Homeschool Angels: How God Provides for Our Needs

These past couple of days have included a lot of organizing around our house.  I am sure that it has been that way around your house too. 

There is a reason afterall why all of the sales flyers have nothing but organizational supplies on sale. 

Well, those and workout gear, right? 

Anyway, one of the things that I have been organizing has been our classroom.  It hasn't been that bad really.  I did have this one pile in a corner though that has been sneering at me for months.  It knew it was better than me.  Driving. Me. Crazy.

So I tackled it.  Well most of it.  And as I was organizing it and filing and putting things with other things and doodads with whose-a-whats-its, I came face to face with the reality of our homeschooling...

We have a ton of stuff.  And most of it I haven't paid for at all. 

Amazing right? 

I am a really good thief..

Just kidding. 

The truth of the matter is that we are blessed.  Knock you naked blessed by God, totally undeserving, blessed folks.  Off the top of my head here are some of things we have been blessed with by whom:

Our neighbor Peggy one afternoon brought over a sack of art supplies, school supplies, beads...all kinds of stuff for art projects. 

Our neighbors Randy and Diane gifted us with a Ginormous box of supplies they used when they had an inhome daycare.  Those are mainly what the one eyed, one horned pile in the corner consisted of.  She gave me so many amazing things!  Art supplies, books of ideas, project sheets with instructions, letter sheets for Cal, wall hangings, the works.  It's all so amazing!  And while I don't think I am using it all as I should be, it has all been such a blessing as there is for example, a volcano project that we are getting ready to use with our science studies.

Our cousin Lisa.  I cannot explain to you all how much I love this woman and her heart.  She gives to our family what her children are done with. This summer she invited me over to look at some books she was going to sell in a garage sale but then decided to give us a crack at first.  I could not believe what "some books" meant.  Boxes and boxes of books.  And of what?  Tons of childrens literature and historical books, a lot of what we would be studying this year.   A lot of the books and educational games you see came from their family.  Lisa was a teacher before her babies came and she has such a good eye for things. 

Garage Sales- this summer I was able to hit up some amazing garage sales early in the morning because my husband faithfully watched the children.   A lot of our math games I was able to snag for some crazy price like $1.00 because I stalked the papers for teachers having garage sales. 

Goodwill-Emma is a model for Goodwill and with that I've been able to talk to some of the big whiggs and figure out the Goodwill system.  You won't find me at Goodwill often, but I do know which Goodwill keeps there stuff at that one store and that one store gets a ton of old school books.  I'm talking sets of Boxcar Children books that have never even been cracked open.  Yes I'll buy those for 25 cents apiece, thank you.

My Aunt Jan-My Aunt never fails to always give the coolest gifts.  One year she gave Emma a cash register and it has fake money and all of the food and signs for a grocery store.  We use that in homeschool to learn about money and to break up the monotony.  This Christmas she gave Emma a book set where you can write a book and then end up having it published and sent to us!  I am so excited for this because Emma has been really interested in the book writing process and has talked about writing a story...this will be perfect for us!   

My Grandma- I'm pretty sure the old lady was dead set against us homeschooling.  Too Granola for her, I'm sure.  But she has seemed to have a change of heart with the way our kids are really learning.  Anyway, she's always calling me with some books she has for me or something she wants to give me or look at.  She has given me a lot of children's literature.  And as you all know, I am totally old school, so reading books from the 60's with the kids is such fun for me!  She also has given me stuff from her pastor's wife that she's passed on to me because 1) she's awesome and 2) because she knows we homeschool.  It helps to get the word out!

The rest of Nick's extended family has also given me so much here and there.  I am so truly blessed by them.  His Uncle has returned from a garage sale with art curriculum from a school, never opened.  His cousin Tracee has given us science kits and chairs and art supplies when we dropped in to say hi. 

Nick's cousin Jodee has given us scads of worksheets and books and so much stuff that we use on a daily basis. 

All in all what this has created for us is a virtual smorgishborg of materials and I could not be happier.  We have so many things to use and so much to look at and work with.  And it's all because of the power of prayer, and these amazing people who have freely given.  If you were mentioned, we thank you from the bottoms of our hearts.  And if you've given us stuff and I've forgotten you, thank you and sorry!!!

I just wanted to share this with you to show you that God will provide!  And you don't have to spend a lot of money to homeschool.  Just pray and trust God and know that He will provide.  I can't wait to see how He shows up in 2013...whatever ways it is you can be sure I will be shouting from the rooftops how amazing He is!

5 AM

This morning I woke up at 5 am to make cookies for an event because I forgot to last night. 

Nothing like starting the day trying to get caught up with junk you forgot to do, right? 

But in the quiet minutes of waiting for cookies to bake, I sit and have the quiet time. 

Be still and know that I am God...

So often I take these tasks of motherhood as that, tasks. 

I make them into these dumb, mundane jobs that have to be done.  Nothing fun about them, right?

And when I think of it that way, life seems to become lackluster. 

Be still...

And in the stillness I pray...

And I feel the tension melt away.  He restores my soul, quite literally and I can see through my blessings glasses this life I was given. 

So rather than: We have this dumb party.  Yeah.  Up making stupid cookies.  Who cares.  This is so pointless. 

I am choosing to think: I get to go to Emma's Christmas party with her!  It will be so fun to see her with all of her little friends, celebrating together.  I'm going to make special cookies for her special day  so she will know she can always count on me. 

I'm choosing to think this way because 1) if I don't I may just lose my mind.  and 2) Because I've made the commitment to step up to the plate when I am stressed/tired/fatigued and/or grumpy and boldly come before the throne and be straight up with God.  I cannot do this alone.  I need your help.  I need your power. 

And he delivers.  Of course he delivers!  He is God for crying out loud!!! And in the stillness I know that.  I know that He's here to help.  I am not alone. 

And I am aware of all he has blessed me with. 

What are your blessings today?  Do you have your blessing-glasses on or are you muddling through life griping about all you have to do? 

A little shift in perspective can turn your whole world around friends. 

Happy Friday!  My love you you all :)

Can't Do It All Myself...

Mondays are horrible here. 

Just horrible, I tell ya. 

Ugh...just thinking about yesterday exhausts me...that's how bad Mondays stink. 

Here's the schedule...

Take Cal to preschool
Come back home for homeschool
Pack Emma's lunch, pack her swimming bag, throw her in car
Pick Cal up from Preschool
Rush across town to Homeschool Gym while Emma eats her lunch in the car
Drop Emma off
Take Cal home
Make a super quick lunch
Rush Cal to Speech Therapy
Come home for Cal's nap
Usually I have to wake Cal up to go pick up Emma
Pick up Emma and come home
20 minutes later we leave for Emma's gymnastics
Drop Emma off at Gymnastics
Go to the bank to do the Girl Scout banking
Go home to start dinner
Go pick up Emma from gymnastics
Come home and meet my parents there
Feed childen, leave them with my parents and leave for grocery shopping

Whew!  It's a busy day indeed!

Last Monday after we got the children to bed I basically collapsed on the couch with Nick as I sobbed about what a failure I am at all of this. 

As a mother. 
As a wife.
As a homemaker.
As a teacher. 
As a Christian. 

Perhaps it's that perfectionism that always seems to creep up, or perhaps it's something else, but I cannot seem to see what I've accomplished, rather I only see what has not been done...

the dishes that are still on the dining room table from the night before (yikes!)
I am a day behind in my laundry schedule. 
I didn't fill the workboxes for school the night before.
I am way behind in ebaying.
I haven't showered in two days (sad but true). 

Last week I didn't blog.  I thought about it a million times but somehow Monday threw me off track and the rest of the week snowballed out of control.  It's hard for me when that happens because as you can see I focus on what I am doing wrong and suddenly instead of one whole day going wrong, it is an entire blasted week. 

Eek. 

I read a mom blog this week that really convited my heart.  It talked about how I will never ever have the strength to do all of this on my own.  I just can't.  Some days I am doing the work of what feels like 5 moms. 

But Christ has the strength. 

And it penetrated my heart so much that I can't find the blog to save my life.  Pathetic, right?

I was directed to 1 peter this week.  As I was reading the last part, I felt like God was hugging me as I read 1 Peter 5....

1 Peter 5:6,7 (NIV)
 "⁶ Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. ⁷ Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you."

Well duh.  I know this.  I mean, I KNOW this.  Really well.  So many times I have felt like I couldn't do it anymore.  And I've cried out to God to help me. 

I'd like to use a lifeline...

And of course the Lord helps me.  But for some reason I've forgotten to actually ask God for help.  I've complained to him.  I've ranted to him.  But I've never boldly approached the throne to ask for some of His strength. 

Again, you may now call me an idiot :)

And of course God continued to reassure me that He's got my back...

 1 Peter 5:10, 11 says...

^"10 And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. ¹¹ To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Help is on it's way. 

And it really was.  Wednesday night I relied on God and was able to hack away at organizing the classroom into a useable area, I got school papers ready for the next day and was able to rock school Thursday and Friday.  I also managed to not forget any other obligations like I had been before. 

So hopefully this week will be awesome.  I'm going to rely on God and ask him for His strength to sustain and lead me. 

If you have more on your plate today, I encourage you to read 1 Peter 5 and to go before God and ask him for his strength and grace.  He's waiting to be asked and He is crazy in love with you!!!

Happy Monday!

two days

Nervous and scared. 

Not really sure why. 

Well I do. 

Because school starts in two days!  Two days!  In two days our lives are going to be turned upside down while I smoosh emma's face into the floor with my shoe and try to cram as much paper into her ear as I can. 

Okay, while that may not be quite how I get things into her brain, it does often times feel like that needs done.  Desperate times call for desperate measures. 

Last year (for those of you just now tuning in) was my first year of homeschooling.  Boy was I wet behind the ears!  It was good in that we are all still alive.  It was bad that I had to learn as I went how things were going to go.  We all were kind of frustrated and irritable at times of the year.  I lost my patience a lot.  Emma refused to participate a lot. 

We seemed to get better though and succeed towards the end of the year. 

Every year is going to be a challange.  A time of getting them back into the groove and ready to have some fun.  Hopefully it will be oodles of fun and we'll learn so much and I will be super duper laid back. 

But I know some times I won't be.  Some times I won't be so nice.  Some times Emma won't be so cooperative.  And in those times I pray I can still be her light.  Her light to point her to Christ.  To be her hero.  To be her best buddy.  Because in the end, that's what I really want. 

But when I look at this huge school year on our horizon I again feel nervous and scared.  Nervous and scared that I'll make the same mistakes.  That I'll fail.  That I will be ashamed. 

But that's why God gives us faith.  Why He died on the cross.  Because those sins of mine from last year. Those times when I didn't show love.  They're gone. 

Zilch.

Nada. 

Can't be found.

Blank canvas waiting for us to paint. 

And so in two days I will pick up the paintbrush and paint us a new picture. 

A picture of 2nd grade.  Hopefully there will be no tears.  No smears.  Blameless in His sight.  And if I mess up and tear a corner or a huge gash in the canvas, I can paint a cross and start again.  It's because of Christ's cross I can even pick up a paintbrush and start anew.

Sunrise

While on vacation we took the kids out of bed at about 5 in the morning and headed to the beach.  They didn't seem too thrilled.  One of our favorite things to do as a couple is to go watch the sunset...we whoop and holler.  We hold our breath in wonder of God's paintbrush at work in the sky.  It's just fantastic.  I have no idea when Nick and I started this but we have watched the sunrise in lots of places...this was the first time with the children though.  When we arrived at the beach, this is what we were greeted with...

 I simply adore this picture.  I can remember this morning with this picture.  I remember the sound of the waves and the seagulls crys, the feel of cold, damp sand in between my toes, the feel of salt water misting my face, the the transcendent glow of the sky ahead of us.  Wow, God, wow...it's all I can think to say.

Anyway...

 Cal and his sleepy smile in his jammies

 Emma always has a big smile waiting, even sleepy with bed head wearing a nightgown

 And the sky continues to pinken and grow more and more beautiful and suddenly...

Why hello Mr. Sun!

 Gorgeous

 I love it

And we're up and at 'em. 

I adore the sunrise.  It happens every single day and every day it is different.  God is amazing.  He loves us so much.  He wants us to be happy, to experience joy and warmth, and peace.  In our home we are teaching the children that creation is one of God's big ways that he shows us His love.  After all he created ALL of this for us to explore and enjoy.  Sunrises feel like a hug from God...warming, and a gentle reminder that God's in control of the day ahead...don't worry, I've got this one...

Thank you sweet Lord for sunrises and the children we can introduce them to...

"The profound impact that a solid marriage, familial love, and godly order has on the children in a Christian home is dramatic." ~Passionate Housewives Desperate for God

I am currently reading/have been reading this book forever and I just love the quote above.  Nick and I mulled over it last night and have made it our parenting mantra.  It is just so true.  What we do and how we raise these children affects them for the rest of their lives. 

Often I get so caught up in the day to day, so overwhelmed by the needs of the everyday that I forget the big picture. 

The bottom line is that my ministry is these children.  Our life, leading them to Christ, raising them to somehow manage without their mother, that is what I am doing here. 

The quote has helped me to put it in perspective.  My children need to have our marriage strong, and our home filled with order and our family's love. 

Happy Tuesday!