Do you know what put this goofy smile on my face? This...
An empty dishwasher! This afternoon I came home from my run (hence the disgusting-ness of myself in above picture, but I don't care, its my blog so I can post gross pictures) and was DREADING unloading the dishwasher! I HATE unloading the dishwasher. Anywho I pulled it open and to my surprise my darling of a husband had unloaded it while I was picking Emma up from preschool! He got up (he worked last night and tonight) to play with Cal and unload my dishwasher apparently. I am one lucky lady for sure!

Tonight after dinner we made Puppy cookies which was a recipe from a cookbook my rockin' hot Aunt Jan gave Emma for her Birthday. I made the chocolate chip cookies ahead of time so they could make these with them. Aren't they darling? You can tell Em's really proud, such a sweetheart!

Poor Cal didn't really understand. He tried to eat each part of the cookie when we were putting them together. I kept him from doing it because Iknew he would be crushed if he didn't have the same end product as Emma's so this picture is him devouring his once I gave him the signal to go!

Update...

This has to be one of my favorite pictures ever! How happy is this guy? This was

Cal's first Christmas so he was about two weeks shy of being a year old.

As mentioned in the previous post we basically fired Cal's old therapist. That being said Cal hasn't had therapy in probably a month's time. In that time Calvin's language has taken off in that he is gibber-gabbering and starting to put words together.

Yesterday we met with Cal's new therapist and I am just so, so excited. He looked over his old paper work and talked to us and then gave us his opinion. He said that he does see some Apraxic tendencies but he doesn't think Cal has severe apraxia at all. He thinks in the last 3 weeks he has basically healed himself. He said he thinks he can have him having conversations by August. Then he proceded to appologize that we have been put through all of this.

He said that his main goal is to get his language up to a level so he can enter school and preschool as a normal kid and not need any special classes or have to have any labels. You all know through reading this and talking to me that one of my huge concerns outside of him needing to be in a special needs class is that he won't be able to read or write or will have a delay. He said that in the fact that Calvin has two highly educated and caring parents, he doesn't think that will be a problem at all.

I am just a little in shock and awe...speechless is one way to put it. I have had so many tearfilled nights. Just last Sunday we took the kids to the park and Calvin was trying to show a little girl his shoes (because he has the light up buzz lightyear shoes). He kept pointing and saying "aka, aka" and she just looked at him like "I have absolutely no idea what you are telling me". My eyes filled with tears as I felt like this was just the beginning of him not being understood. Now I feel like this might be the end. Oh and by the way, Cal was thankfully clueless to this little girl not knowing what "aka" meant because he started stomping, so she started stomping and that became the new thing to do.

I am not sure if Cal was healed or if he was just late in talking. He still isn't talking in words anyone can understand and I am leary to believe he will be telling me how the weather is outside by the end of summer, but I am believeing and here's what I do know: I know that God made Calvin just perfect. Absolutely perfect. I believe he has such big plans for him. And I believe God has his big strong hands around him, loving him and comforting him at the end of each day that he goes to bed frustrated that we couldn't understand what he wanted. That's what I know.

So we are very thankful and hopeful that we will be sending a completely normal little boy to preschool next year! Thank you Lord!

Playing Catch Up with this blog...

Sorry I haven't been on here lately. I just noticed that it has been a month since I posted last...wowwie how time if flying! Things are not crazy or anything, just full of life and fun and sometimes I just don't feel like interupting all of that with writing.

Emma and Calvin at Em's Birthday party...when your sister gets to dress up, why shouldn't you too? She has been calling him her Prince Charming which has been shortened to Charming...so cute!

The children are wonderful and amazing and we are all having so much fun together. I just love them and I am cherishing the time that I am getting to spend with them. God is so good, all of the time! Princess Emma!
Here's Emma's Birthday cake made by Auntie Bean...isn't it just adorable?

Emma turned four on May Day and it is just so bittersweet to see her grow up! She is such a sweet heart and is such a little lady. I take such pride in her that when someone leaves our home she tells them to drive safely or when we leave someone else's home she says "thank you for having me". But on the other hand she is Miss Independent. The other day she said (in her little voice) "I am four now, I don't need my mother to blow my nose." Well excuse me!

Emma being absolutely adorable on vacation! I just love her so much! She is so fun and has the cutest bathing suit...cutest suit for the cutest girl!

Emma is really flourishing in preschool, has tons of friends and is learning lots of new things. I am just so happy to see her progress. She is in gymnastics and soccer right now. We are trying to get her to try everything to see what she likes and what she doesn't. So far she is not in love with soccer but does have a passion for gymnastics.

Here's Cal painting. He never wanted to be artsy before so when he asks we jump on it. I don't know what I love about this picture more...the fact that he is standing in his Daddy's shoes painting or that he has paint ALL over his face! So fun!

Calvin is really starting to try to talk. No one can really understand him but he is starting to gibber gabber and have fun. He is about a year late on that one but he is starting. I basically fired our speech therapist. She genuinely had concern for Calvin but had no desire to have any hands on therapy. Towards the end he was looking at flashcards for 10 minutes and then would watch a movie the rest of the therapy time. It was just not working. We are going to be starting with a new therapist who is supposed to be crazy involved and active and I think Calvin will really respond to it. Yippee! I am so excited as next week is our first meeting with him!


Calvin is OBSESSED with Buzz Lightyear which is the cutest thing I have ever seen! Shoes...Buzz. Umbrella...Buzz. We have Buzz Lightyear posters, books, figurines everywhere! It is so cute when a child takes their first interest in something. Calvin calls Buzz Lightyear "aagaaa" for Lightyear. I just love that little boy so much!


I am loving staying home but the last month has definitely been an adjustment! I am such an organized person who always has a schedule. When I worked I had my planner open and would write everything down that needed done. Then I would make a timed schedule of how the day would go. That seemed to go well when I had a job but now a days it just didn't seem to work and I seemed to be just spinning my wheels. I have been spending my days seemingly very busy and at the end having nothing done or accomplished.


So I bought and downloaded "Motivated Moms". It is a day by day plan of things to do and I love it! I feel like I have my life back. I feel so accomplished when I check everything off and it is almost mindless. It makes sure I do basic things every day like take out the trash, do the dishes, laundry, etc, etc. but it also has scheduled things it tells you to do that you have to do periodically to keep your house running. Things you think of but now you don't have to like changing the sheets, clipping the children's fingernails, etc, etc. It is just a lifesaver for me and it was only $8.00!


A dear friend of mine recommmended it and at first I thought I could make a schedule up for myself and wouldn't need to pay the money but in starting that it seemed monumental and now that I have the lists there are things on there that I would never have thought to put on the list. For example last Monday I scrubbed down the bathroom walls. Wow, those were gross!


Nick, poor Nick is still on nights. He is such an amazing man that he works all of the time to support us and does so without complaint. I think he secretly takes pride in supporting us all by himself. That is something that we have never had before so it is new and exciting for all of us. I am so happy to be able to teach my children that the man's role is to provide for his family and his wife is to be his helpmate. Not that women can't work or men can't stay home but I am so happy with how things are now and pray that God continues to bless us so I can keep staying home! When Nick is home I am sure to make him big breakfasts, bake homemade cookies, and cook lots of good foods for him.


Our poor dog Lucy has heartworm. Ugh. This has been such a battle. The week before Nick was laid off I took her into the doctor for her checkup which came back that she had heartworm that had been contracted before we got her from the humane society. Naturally once Nick was laid off we couldn't pay the money for her to be treated which had just been heartbreaking. Now that we are back up on our feet (by on our feet I mean we have gone from being dirt poor to "frugal") we are having Lucy treated. She has to be on medicine for another 3 weeks and then they are doing a steroid procedure to try to kill the worms. Which by the way better work because it is going to cost at least $1000! Wow! I know it is a lot of money and I really had to sell Nick on it but I couldn't in good conscious just let my children's beloved dog die because it was too much money. I may be singing a different tune when she needs chemo or something but for now we are going to do this. The good thing about it is that we need grass seed planted but have been leary that Lucy would dig it up. So since before and after the treatment she can't run or go out except on a leash for 2 months, we are using that time for landscaping and getting some grass planted and rooted. I am super excited to see the finished product of my Landscape Architect Husband's plan!

What else has happened? Hmmm, trying to think. We have our living room half way painted. You can see the green in the picture of Emma and Calvin. I'll post pictures when it is done as Nick is doing some finishing work on it. I am growing my hair out...how exciting, I know. The good thing about that is that I am saving a ton of money on my salon bill as I now go every 4-5 months just for a trim. We went on a mini-vacation in April. Something we had been promising the kids since Nick was reemployed. It was more stressful on the adults than relaxing because it rained the entire time but I think the kids had a good time. I'll do another post on vacation.

I think that is it for now! Whew!













The children are loving the warmer weather and we have been having meals on our new patio and spending lots of time playing outside!

Trying to be Positive

I know my new attitude is to be positive and I am trying, honest I am.

Yesterday we met with Calvin's care coordinator through First Steps. Since he is going to be 3 in 9 months we have to start talking about what is going to happen once he has aged out of the program and we are basically on our own to get him help and therapy. She talked, it seemed okay and then she gave me a red folder of information to look over on my own.

So later came, it was naptime and I decided to find out my choices. I open the folder and there staring me in the face is a packet entitled "how to enroll your child into Special Education". I lost it. I sobbed. He CAN'T be in Special Education. I guess it just kills me to think that because he can't communicate he is going to be just in a random group of kids. Understanding is not the issue, learning is not the issue, it is simply a matter of communicating.

It makes me sick to my stomach to think that because he has a neurological disorder that he is just going to be grouped with kids with special needs, whether that class will help him or not.

So I refuse. I will be homeschooling him. Emma is too sociable and too smart for me to teach her. So we have decided that she will go to school. But we are homeschooling Calvin. We are researching other school districts in the area to see what help or classes they offer. We are begining a more active approach to sign language with the thought that we might end up sending him away to a school for all-deaf kids.

Bottom line is my son will not be in special education classes. He is the brightest, funniest little boy. I just can't do that to him.

He's so great

Yesterday Nick and I had the chance to drive to Chicago together and we had a wonderful time. I am reminded when we sit in silence sometimes how comfortable that is. When we first started dating it was if we had known one another for our entire lives, there was no awkwardness with us, no tension, not every second had to be filled with something. We could just sit and be ourselves with silence we knew. I take this gift for granted now.

Much like that I take my husband for granted too. Oh its nothing serious where I don't know how good I have it but in everyday life you fall into a thing that he's there because he's there because he's there. You know?

Today Nick worked 12 hours and yes I am writing this on a Sunday. Last night Calvin didn't sleep at all so Nick hardly had any sleep. He said he felt sick and sleepy all day long because of it. So when he got home I knew he wouldn't be up for much. But he took a walk with us. He read to the children their bedtime stories complete with the funny voices. Then he chased them both around the house, scooped them both up on his back and ran all they way upstairs. The giggles that abounded I am sure were enough of a reward for him. He is such an amazing Daddy to the luckiest children ever.

And I am the luckiest wife ever. Except there's no luck to it because I know it is all God. Yesterday as we drove home Nick said something to me and it sounded like a line so I said "don't talk to me like you are Barry White!" to which he started singing and talking to me in that voice. For those of you who know my husband you know that he is HILARIOUS with his voices. Tears were streaming down my face I was laughing so hard and I was reminded how hard I love him.

So thank you Nicholas for your love and support and devotion to all of us. You are our rock and we go to THE ROCK everyday thanking Him for you.

Devotions

I'm never really one for going on and on about my devotions or what I learn each day because I guess I feel that I am getting things out of them that Ineed and not necessarily what others need. But I felt that I should share my devotions that I read today because I am sure it is applicable to so many people. First of all, you can read the devotional I use by clicking here.

The verse that really stuck out to me was Ephesians 4: 29 which tells us "Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs. that it may benefit those who listen."

Basically I need to do away with gossiping but also all of the negativitiy and complaining that I do. This morning is a perfect example. I had two kids awake before 6 this morning. Yikes. I could have written a blog about how we are all going to be so tired and how grumpy everyone is. But that is being negative. So instead I will praise the Lord that I have two healthy children that can get themselves out of bed and make decisions for themselves. They could be vegetables. Or I think of my friend who lost her little boy. I'm sure she'd give anything to have him wake her before 6.

What will this accomplish you ask? First of all its from the Bible so God told us to do it, so we do it. That doesn't mean it won't be hard to not do things the wordly way but that is what we are called to do. Secondly, if we (Christians that is) are super nice people who never have anything bad to say and always seem to be joyful and content, how would they NOT want to have what we have in our lives?

The devotion described this as getting rid of the Verbal pollution in your life. I am going to be working on cleaning myself up from now on!

He's Alive!

This was the first year that I think Emma is starting to understand the Resurrection story and everything that that means. It brings tears to my eyes when I see her understanding. I was reading about Jesus' assention into heaven and how it happened a long time ago and she says "and now we are His disciples" she really is starting to understand.

I am sorry I do not have pictures of our big day today. My cousin/best friend in the whole world has an amazing camera so I resigned myself to being lazy about picture taking while she took some amazing ones. I think I am getting the pictures from her on Wednesday.

I hope you had a blessed Easter as well. God is just so good to us. We couldn't have asked for a better day. Because I am such a classic Church of Goder I am a huge Gaither fan and I love these lyrics:

"Because He Lives, I can face tomorrow
Because He Lives, all fear is gone;
Because I know He holds the future,
And life if worth the living,
just because He lives"

How true is that? My life would be NOTHING without Christ. When I have allowed him to guide my life some AMAZING things have happened: I met my one true love, I have two beautiful children, we live in a wonderful home, and we have followed his career paths for Nicholas to the point that I am now home with my children. And that's just going back 10 years! Praise the Lord! Life IS worth living! God gives us so much, even more than just taking care of us physically. Life, love, everything is worth it because HE lives!

One of those days...

Today was one of those days that I hope the four of us remember always. It was just silly and perfect. We woke up this morning and decided it was high time we went to Shipshewana! So we went to our favorite place for breakfast. The kids ate wonderfully! I was shocked and so happy! They kept asking for more food off of our plates. For those of you who hang with us you know I am always secretly guilty whenever I take the children somewhere because it means they are slowly starving: they refuse to eat when we are away from home! So I was very happy that they decided to chow down-and fruit was what they ate the most of...hooray!

After that we went on to this shopping center that has a carousel on the top floor...the kids LOVED it! Emma kind of remembered it from the last time we were there; Cal I am sure had no recollection of the thing but as soon as we got there he just stopped and stared at it. You can tell from their faces that they were happy campers!

We had bought them suckers that morning so on the way home we let them have it. They were those giant ball suckers that stick in the wooden tree thing...you know what I mean, right? Anywho, Emma had hers gone in about 10 minutes (silly girls a cruncher) and Cal put his anywhere you can imagine. He decided to rip off his shoes because how fun is it to rub your sucker inbetween your toes? He is hilarious in that way that he makes me laugh and all I can think is "what is going through this kids mind?" He's got some type of plan in there. SO cute. So a bath was inevitable for them both by the time we got home.

It wasn't anything special it was just one of those morning where God gave us a beautiful day and we took full advantage of it with our little family.

I also have to tell you that Emma came into our room this morning and this is what she said..."I tried to walk like a normal person in my slippers but instead I decided to walk like Grandma Jean" how hilarious is that! She has the same kind of slippers like my Grandma so I guess she assumes she is destined to walk like her...too cute. And then she was saying "see look" as she paced back and forth on my side of the bed, shuffling her little slippered feet so I could see how she walks...she is so funny.

A Giblet fell off my Croc this evening in Emma's room and this really just bugged Cal to no end. I found him in my closet going through my shoes to find my crocs, which I was wearing. I was just pretty impressed that he found that thing lying on the floor and somehow knew that it was from my shoe. He is one smart little cookie.

We talked all day about how this was the day Jesus died on the cross for our sins. That's some powerful stuff there folks. Emma looked like she was about to cry so I think she is starting to understand that. I don't know if I ever will. God sent his son to die for me, ME, so I can live an eternal life with God. He sacrificed His son to pay the debt to the devil for my sins. Wowwie-zowie. I am one blessed girl to be loved by my God.

Happy Easter to you. May you feel God smile on you as you know how much He loves you.

I hate you therapy

Do you ever reach that point when you are just done? I mean, D-O-N-E, done? Because I am so there.
The little disclaimer here is that I am just venting for the sake of venting. Probably none of this will make sense tomorrow. But here it goes:
I am sick of therapy. I am sick of having to go through therapy. I am sick of proving that Calvin needs therapy. I am sick of it all. I am sick of it because it makes me feel like he is something that he's not...I know he's the smartest brightest boy in the world and I hate that we have to spend time doing this and practicing how to make a long o sound rather than a short o sound when we should be out somewhere hunting for frogs or something.
I hate that when he is 3 he will no longer qualify for First Step therapy and we are basically on our own. I have known this all along but I never even thought of it because I thought "by the time he's 3 he won't even need therapy anymore" and yet here we are talking about what is going to happen once he is done and needs more therapy. Every fiber in my being screams, please! NO! He can't need more therapy. Why isn't this getting better?
He is so frustrated. I am so frustrated. I have always known that there was a chance that he would miss out on things but the rational side of me said "he's only one" and then "he's only two" and yes I know he is still only two but here are things I think of: you can't sign football plays when you are the quarterback...you have to say them. No one will know what you are saying if you are signing STOP when a stranger tries to take you. And here is the one that really gets me...what would he do if he were lost? He can't even say his name, let alone his address or our names. Would I ever see him again? It just crushes my spirits to think of these things and I know I shouldn't let myself go there again.
I need to look at all that God has given me. That Cal is completely healthy in every other way. But I am starting to face the reality that this might not be something that is going to be helped. We are exploring the option of homeschooling him because God forbid if he can't talk, how are preschool teachers going to be able to work with him?
I am not opposed to homeschooling but I don't want to because I HAVE to...I want to because I want to. I am sick of HAVING to do things. I am tired of talking for him. Of telling people "he just signed thank you to you". I am tired of putting him through therapy. Therapy that seems to not being doing much of anything aside from making me irritated and irrational and emotional.
Thank you for listening. I'm done now.

Check out these weirdos

I just had to post this because it made me laugh and we can all use a laugh once in a while, right? I was flipping through our pictures and saw this and I though, "oh, I don't look too bad" but then look at my company! Nick poor guy if you will notice has a huge gash on his head. From what you ask? Well if you are missing excitement in your life try bashing yourself in the head with a crow-bar...he had such a goose egg but now it is just a teeny gash, thank GOD! But you pair that with a shaving incident he had that morning and the guy looks like a walking case of leporasy (sp?) or something. Then ther's Calvin, or should I say a drunk Simon Baker. What did we give this kid? He looks like he should be sitting at a picnic table somewhere with a cigarette in one hand and one of those old cans of beer from the 60's...you know what I am talking about...those pictures you see of your family members and think "oh nice, really nice." Poor guys, I am picking on them. You know, they usually are adorable and I look like death hung over or a pig with lipstick on...oh how the tables have turned boys..muahhhh (this is my evil laugh by the way!) Happy Tuesday!
*Disclaimer: I am madly in love with these two men and am idly teasing them through no fault of their own. Promise. Its true, I'm just picking on them. Besides Calvin (and possibly Nick) can't read so its okay. :)

Egg Decorating

This past week we decorated eggs and had a great time! Cal just basically sat there and watched as he wanted to throw the eggs or dump the dye or both at the same time. They turned out really cute. The only problem we had was that I got a kit with only 3 colors but we made due and it became a good teaching lesson of what colors mix to make what. How fun! And all the eggs were cool, sitting around in the refrigerator until Nick dumped ALL OF THE EGGS out of the refrigerator. AND ALL OF THE EGGS BROKE! Ugh! But they were fun to make and before they broke we had a fun time eating hardboiled eggs every day. Calvin kept trying to figure out why the eggs were hued a different color when he ate them...I think he thought we were trying to poison him, poor guy.

Organizing Confessions

As mentioned in a previous post I have been working my way through a home organization book, trying to get this place in ship shape. Ugh is all I have to say.

I have been freelance writing and I think I may have bitten off a bit more than I can chew this time. Deadlines are looming and I have nothing done. This week is Easter week and I am cooking...yikes! Plus this is one of those suck-ville weeks that Nick has to work basically every single day. God, please be with us and help us!

Anyway as you can see I am a busy gal this week which freaks me out that the house is going to begin to look distressed. I will have to give you the 411 on how all of that goes after this week...if I make it past this week! :)

As I was saying I have been working on this organization thing and here is the enlightened notion that has come into my head: I clean the house like I have ADHD. Its true! I was noticing today how I do things. Here is one example: I found a piece of the kids Memory game shoved underneath the buffet. It isn't something that you know I walk over and should have been put away ages ago and I chose not to. Kuddos for me about that but I should have been more thorough when helping the children put the game away in the first place...ADHD number one. So I get the piece out (or unstuck off the swiffer as the case may be) and am going to put it away. Here's the shocker though...I don't put it away. Nope. I take it over to the shelves that the games are on and leave it there. Why? Why do I do that? Do I think the box will magically open up and swallow the game piece that should be inside?

Lazy, distracted, too busy, whatever the reasoning may be, I am noticing that this is the reason that the house is all aflutter. TONS of stuff is on the stairs just waiting to go upstairs where it belongs. But the question is why don't I just take it there when I am putting it away. You know, finish the thought.

See the book touches on this. It talks about not just leaving the mail on the foyer table like I do. It talks about to bring it in, sort it, do with it what you need to and then you are done and you don't have to pick it up to do later. Ta-da! Isn't that a grand idea?

Do you struggle with this too?

Happiness in Marriage is a Choice

Okay to be fair here I told him to give me a really goofy face...promise :)

In case no one has told you Nick and I are delieriously in love! Ah, young love! Except idon't know if we have what you would call YOUNG love considering we've been together for close to 10 years. We met when I was 19 and he was 22. It just seems so young and innocent now and back then I felt so grown-up.

Anywho we married when I was 21 which now seems so young to be getting married. But it was the same age that my Grandmother was when she got married and definitely not fresh out of high school or anything.

We have known so many people who have gotten a divorce, who have split up, broken up, are just plain fed up. Whenever I hear that this has happened it absolutely scares me to death. I think "what was it that made them end? were they happy like us?"

I am in no way saying that I know everything about marriage or that I am some type of advce expert but I do believe that what Nick and I have is a pretty good thing and I have SCADS of people tell me that they wish they were as in love as we are. In all honesty we have to work to make this work. A LOT of work.

Dates, talking, laughing, making a point to not get too stressed about living, and making sure God is in our center. I was told once by a dear older lady that life is 20% circumstances and 80% attitude. I think that this completely applies to life. We all know people who have are unhappy because its just not exciting anymore or the spark is just gone. But what those people don't realize is that you are going through life with the person you love and life quite frankly just isn't very exciting sometimes. Nope...in fact its scary and traumatic and boring and stressful in a lot of areas with exciting being very far away. But you choose to be with that person because what an honor to have someone choose YOU to be with.

I feel absolutely honored and blessed that Nick is with me. He chose me to snuggle with in the middle of the night, to bear his children, to get him aspirin when he has a headache.

We have a friend who divorced because he and his wife were just best friends. Seriously? Isn't that the way it should be? You can CHOOSE to be in love, to talk, to stay up in the wee hours of the night talking, to love one another truly and deeply. I am not saying that we have not had our share of marriage counseling, slammed doors, nights on the couch, or a handful of other painful, painful memories but we have muddled through.

I know that a lot of marriages are pretty one sided and that sucks. I am so blessed with Nick that has has fought with me tooth and nail to get this to work.

His mom had the kids Monday and he got a lot done on our living room (yeah!) but you know what else we also did? We laid on the couch and talked and laughed and were just silly. For the life of me I can't remember what we talked about but we talked and connected.

My prayer for you today is that your life contains such a relationship and if not that you may figure out how to get it there. God showed us how to love and I am so thankful He did because it is so amazing.

The Best

It is amazing to me what love can create. Hopes, dreams, happiness, and two gorgeous children. How blessed God has made us. I just can't believe it.

I LOVE this picture...he holds onto the side of the bed...I think he's trying to make sure that he won't fall out

How hilarious is this? He looks like a little businessman on the phone saying "hold on a sec..."