New Duds for Mom

How are y’all doing in your year so far? I know I’ve reached the point where the newness of the homeschool year has worn off and I am starting to wonder if we can make it until Fall Break.

You guys, I've reached my upper-mid thirties. 

Gulp.

Don't tell anyone, okay? 

I feel as if age doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things but in life I can certainly tell that I am starting to act my age. 

Like in matters of apparel.  I get why my grandma, who is 92 now, insists on wearing the same  style of slippers that she's worn since before I can remember...comfort. 

Comfort, people, comfort. 

Which often times makes it hard to be cute and stylish when you just want to crawl into some kind of ball made out of terry cloth and stay there forever. 

But I can't...you know, because, kids. 

Outside of being a mom I am also a director of some camps, a teacher, and a wife, so you know, there are those things. 

And can we just add to it I'm also a lady on a budget?...that's right everyone, I said it.  Money doesn't grow on trees over here.  There's no dollar fairy in these woods.  Despite my many hats we're basically a one income family and that means there are sacrifices people, Sacrifices!

What does sacrificing mean, you may ask?  Well, it means I hone in on one thing to get rather than the 20 on my list of wants.  It's hard.  Cough, cough.  Some day my old self will thank me when there's something in that retirement fund so I can buy fancy slippers like Grandma Jean. 

In the meantime here are some things that I buy when I want to spruce up the old wardrobe.  These are items I have purchased in the last year, here and there.  But they've been total game changers for my wardrobe. Also, I may add that all of these things can really spruce up any denim jumper and they are all me-approved for doing all of the weird things that us homeschooling moms find ourselves do…from mixing chemistry projects to running kids to sports to teaching math to rolling around on the floor playing to vacuuming to…well, the list goes on and on.

Adidas leather sneakers

You guys listen, they didn’t fail us in middle school and they won’t fail us now. There are also canvas options but I went for leather because I am not Martha Stewart with an entourage of people to assist in making my sneaks look great. I know I will walk through anything and everything and the leather makes it easy to wipe clean and press on.

I have a pair of these and I’ve found that I can wear them with so many things. Tee shirts of course but sweaters, skirts, dresses, you name it. They really add a sense of fun to my outfit I wouldn’t normally have had with the clothes I wear them with and they are seriously comfortable.

Anything from Evy's Tree...seriously, anything 

I have been such a fan of their clothing for years. It was only within the past two years or so that I got wise to their sales. They have these amazing garments, primarily really comfortable sweatshirt creations, that I salivate over and try to justify in my mind but most (no, all) of the time we just can’t spend over $100 for a sweatshirt.

However, their sales are amazing! If you wait and watch you can score some awesome sauce deals! For example my latest order was last month…I ordered a tee of theirs, a sweater, and an amazing sweatshirt top for under $50.

A cute bag 

I love bags. I have a problem but yes, I love bags. TJ Maxx is a great place to get a great deal. Or Amazon for the beauty above which won’t break your bank and comes in a bunch of colors. Wherever you get a bag, the things to remember is to get a bag that works for you and you don’t have to break the bank to get a cute new purse.

If you need some recommendations of my faves you can read my blog all about them if you missed it.

Earrings

This is something that is so simple and yet such a game changer.

Truly, you guys!

Find some earrings and pair them with an unexpected outfit. Or buy some new ones and try those out with an outfit you are really tired of. They help to change things up and to frame your beautiful face.

Starfish Pants from Lands End 

There are not many things in this life that I have one, brand specific piece I would recommend. But leggings are when I am different.

These pants are life.

One of the amazing things about these pants is the thickness of the fabric, the breathability, and the fact that they can be worn for anything…from working out to working in the office, they are just that amazing!

I wear the Starfish slim leg pants but they also have the original cut, leggings, jeans, and even crops. So comfortable!

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Ladies, listen to me, I know money is tight when you’re homeschooling but it is so important to treat yourself, even if it’s something small. It helps with your sanity, it helps you to feel like the special woman you are, not just a wife and mother, with constant demands on you day in and day out.

Find a way to treat yourself!

My Big Decision

This is a hard post to write.

I’m about to get real here. And real is so hard to put out into the world.

Here we go, a bit of my heart out in the world…

I have spent the majority of my life hating myself. No, that’s not even accurate…loathing myself. I feel that loathing is a deeper feeling than simply hatred and so I’ve chosen that word to describe the feelings towards myself.

For about 20 years I have wanted to change my appearance. I grew up being told what was wrong with me. In every single way. And so somehow, slowly, in every way, that became ingrained in each fiber of my soul.

It was with this feeling of inadequacy that I began a comprehensive list of what was wrong with me. When I was 16 I was sure if I could be thinner boys would like me. In college, if I could pay for plastic surgery to remove the dimple on my nose left by the scarring of a severe case of chicken pox, then, oh then, I would have a real chance at being a knockout. When I met Nick things became better and worse at the same time. A juxtaposition of deep emotions surfaced. I had found someone who loved me just as I was because that was how God made me. And oh, it felt amazing. But it felt so distant and unfamiliar. So my list making continued but more in the light of “I would be worthy of my boyfriend/then fiance/then husband if _________” was different about me.

Don’t get me wrong, I was told that God loved me in the Bible and through all of the church leaders I experienced, but I was sure He could love me more if I was a better person, a better version of myself, if I could have more self control or more of a regimented beauty routine, take care of my temple better so he would be prouder of me.

Flash forward to a 30ish year old version of me…a person who has spent the vast majority of life trying to change. Trying to become pretty, insistent that if I could just get my butt in gear I could be a different person. I could be the me I’m supposed to be. I dieted to any nutritionist’s hearts content. I worked out daily (read that as DAILY!!!!) for months on end and nothing happened except gaining weight and backne. I was done for.

I went to the doctor, insistent that something was wrong with me…insistent I must have a basketball sized growth that weighed the same as a small child somewhere within me. But bloodwork came back shockingly that I was abnormally healthy. And my doctor had a serious talk with me… “maybe you’re just the size you’re supposed to be. To me you look like a healthy hawaiian woman.” Ouch I thought. How insulting. I’ll show him.

Although at this point in our story I’m pretty much out of options…every diet has not worked, paleo made me feel healthy but not skinnier, trim healthy mama made me feel glowing but again, not skinnier, and working out added muscles (the horror!)

I’ve seen specialists, nutritionists, trainers, and more.

In the most recent chunk of time I came home from our summer cottage and joined a new diet program thinking…this is it! I’m going to be a new person! People will like me! I’ll be amazing! But I found myself feeling horrible and unable to function at any point needed to to be a good wife and mother. Worse than that…I still was not losing any weight.

I started reading some things that I believe God put in my path to pave the way for me. I started thinking how nice it would be to experience the “joy” fruit of the spirit, to be happy despite my circumstances and how great it would feel to be content. Truly content. After all of these thought I was tired of not being happy with myself. I realized if I was ever going to be happy I had to make a change.

So a few weeks ago I sent my husband a text message:

Be honest, are you really happy with me? Just as I am? Be honest!

He responded:

Yes, I love you just as you are.

So I decided I could too.

Those few weeks ago I had this aha moment (or a duh moment depending on how your glass is filled/emptied in your view of life) that I had spent the vast majority of my life hating myself…no, loathing myself. And I was tired of it.

I was done with not being content. I had always associated the word contentment with money and material possessions but the bottom line was that I had my health and all of these amazing aspects of my life and yet I was finding no contentment based solely on my physical appearance.

I found myself thinking…

What would happen if I consciously made decisions about what I put in my body to eat based on what was the very best for my actual health and not for my diet?

What would happen to my soul if I decided that I am not who my skin and waist size and nose dimple say I am but rather that issimply part of the shell of the person I really am? Could I come to love that person? Doesn’t that person deserve to feel love and acceptance?

What if I decided to dance in the kitchen or to be silly or to wear my favorite skirt even if I look ridiculous? What would happen other than my heart exploding with happiness and my children witnessing a confident mother?

So…

I’ve made a big decision folks…I’ve decided to be happy.

Happy with me. Happy with who I am. Happy with the girl God made me as. Just happy.

Despite what my scale says or the size of shirt I purchase. I will be happy because God loves me and made me.

I started writing this all a few weeks ago when I made the decision and yet something stopped me from posting immediately. I was instantly scared of what my old friends would say. I was intimidated by people not thinking I’m perfect (not that I ever have been!). But in the past few weeks I’ve found myself simply working through those feelings rather than cowering behind them like the old me may have done.

Now I am focusing on being happy with my family. Exercising with them. Making healthy foods that support my children’s brains and bodies to make them the healthiest they can be I’m happy being a mom, a wife, a friend, and a sister simply through being me.

I’ve made a big decision and I hope it inspires you to start looking at yourself differently to see how truly loved you are…just they way you are.

It feels so good to make the decision to be happy!

The Bag All Mommas Need Now!

You're a mom so you're always are bringing tons of bags with you.  Am I right?  You've got a bag for snacks, a bag with some school work in it, a bag with some games in it. Does this sound like you?  Plus let's not forget your purse because, of course you need that! 

Girl, have I got the solution for you and since I've found this out it has been a game changer for me.  

The answer?  

A Diaper Bag! 

it's true!  Even if you don't have a kiddo in diapers anymore, you need to get yourself one of these bags.  

If you're like me, when your kiddos were done with diapers you wanted to throw your bag in some firepit and walk away, all gangster style like on Office Space.  

But now you can go back to the bag...it will be okay.  I promise.

Our kids are 10 and 12 and I carry a diaper bag. Every.Single.Day.  

Now before you think I've gone off and lost my cotton picking mind...let me explain myself.  

Tons of pockets and zippers and compartments.  

Most diaper bags these days have a waterproof pouch. Maybe these were made for wet clothes but you can now use them for snacks.  Something spills or sweats or leaks?  No biggie.  A contained mess in a wipeable area is aces.  

There is a place for a changing pad.  Take that out. You don't need that anymore.  You're above that.  You owned that.  See?  You're left with a pretty ample sized pocket.  I use this to store a binder or my planner.  And suddenly it's like I'm some kind of organizational wizard.  

Bottle holders on the sides?  Hello water bottles!  Or sunglasses!  Or your cell phone! 

I'm telling you all, diaper bags are not just for diapers.  They should just be called mom bags from the beginning because they can hold so many things.  And you don't need to have a diaper bag with monkeys on the print or whatever you may have had before.  You can have a cute bag that will hold everything you need it to...I kid you not!  

Once I let go of the idea that I needed my own bag and then a bag for school work and a container for snacks, and a container for this and a container for that...once I could let that go I was able to accept the idea of a bag for me, as a mom.  I am my own person but I am also ultimately a mother who carries the weight (literally!) of bringing things with us so instead of 27 different bags I've been diligent in finding a cute bag that suits my personality and the stage of life I'm in.  

I have a stylish Coach diaper bag in a pretty blue color.  This color is not the norm for Coach bags and I get so, so many compliments about it.  The great part?  We went to a baseball game recently and I was able to comfortably store food for my kids in it...I had 4 sodas, 2 bags of chips, 7 cookies, and two baseball hats.  I'm for real here...this is why you need a diaper bag! 

Here are some of my favorite bags...some of these I have and others are on my shopping want list! Like I said, I love these bags.  Almost all of the "purses" I carry around these days are actually diaper bags. 

Maybe one day I'll have a smallish purse again but for our life right now these work great! 

This sweet bag is on my Amazon wish list. I have friends who have this bag and I've heard rave reviews from other CC tutors who use it to bring their books to community day. I love that it can be carried as a tote or a backpack! And the color is on point. So adorable.

I have this bag and really love it for vacations! It can become a cross body or a hobo style bag with adjusting the straps. It holds tons of snacks and provides a really soft cushiony case for my DSLR. So versatile!

I don't have this striped bag but I have this in a black version and it is easily my favorite bag of all time! It has been so many places with me and I have been able to take so much with me because of this bag! The top zippered compartment is perfect for cell phone storage...it's great for people like me who lose everything and need a place for everything! Also, when my sister dumped an entire cup of coffee on my purse it cleaned up beautifully!

This bag is similar to my coach baby bag although the pattern of mine has been discontinued. I love the removable strap...I use it a lot when we are out of town or have a lot to lug around and then usually take it off for every day use.

So those are my favorite mom bags (aka diaper bags I guess). If you have a favorite way of carrying all of the mom stuff around be sure to comment below and keep all of us friends in the know, too!

ALSO! Make sure to hunt at any children’s resale events you go to for diaper bags. It’s one of my favorite places to find bags. I’ve snagged some before for just a few bucks and they were brand new!

Happy shopping and toting all of your stuff around, friends! XO 

Very Punny! Gift Guide for the Pun Loving Person

Puns. Aren’t they grand?

I have so many friends who love puns so I thought I would share some of the gifts I’ve found for them.

Punderdome: A Card Game for Pun Lovers

$13.18

7 Days Punny Tee

On Porpoise Puns Mug

Have a Little Pun Book

Turnip the Beet Dish Towel

Hope this round up helps you with your shopping for your punny friends!

Pavlov Lunch Bag

The Priceless Gift of Losing my Camera

After work Wednesday Nick "gave me" one of my Mother's Day gifts early...a membership to Ashley Ann's Snap Shop workshops...where she teaches you how to take totally awesome pictures. 

I was so excited!  I mean, I have wanted a membership to Snap Shop for, well, forever!  and it was so thoughtful of him to think of me. 

I quickly started going through the classes.  This was going to be the best thing ever!  The very first thing she showed was neat buttons and bells and whistles on her camera. 

"I wonder if our camera has that button?" I asked Nick. 

And that's when the trouble started. 

We quickly realized that our camera had, poof, disappeared into thin air. 

It was gone. 

I was having heart palpitations.  I felt like I was going to throw up.  I was dreading the thoughts going through my head...it's really gone. 

I felt like such an idiot.  I should have had an eagle eye on the thing.  Who loses a dslr camera?  Ugh. 

We looked and looked and looked.  Nick went to businesses, churches, everywhere looking for it.  He took the third row out of our vehicle to try to hunt it down.  We called grocery stores, grandparents, and restaurants.  But to no avail. 

That night we didn't sleep well.  In the morning we both commiserated on how it feels like it's going to just appear.  How it should be around.  What on earth could have happened to it? 

Well, Thursday morning.  I found it. 

I woke Emma up for school and like all good fairy tale stories start, I was yelling at Emma. 

Does anyone else's children have a million backpacks that they hang up with stuff still in them?  I was going through a bag she had taken to play practice daily (the play has been practiced, performed, and we're done with it by the way) and there in the bag sat at least one outfit of hers, a water bottle, on and on.  I reached for her bag she takes to Awana's and that's when I felt the familiar weight and cylinder of the big lense. 

It had been found. 

This is a fairly boring story, I realize, except to say that there's nothing like losing something to make you realize how much you love something.  Aside from Easter and the Awana ceremony where the camera had been put in said bag, I hadn't used that camera for probably a good six months. 

Oh sure, I would snap a few "hey it's your birthday" shots but nothing in terms of capturing the every day.  Nothing to try to catch the glint in my kids' eyes when they are reading with Daddy.  Or the furrowed brow when they are building with legos. 

I had lost the desire to capture the every day.  It had become mundane to me.  There was no more magic in the daily. 

Or so I thought.  This morning I used the camera for the first time in months.  It felt like a raw and opened part of me was exposed again. 

And I kind of liked it. 

Seeing your life through the eye of a lens makes you see things you don't otherwise notice.  The way natural lights makes everything look amazing. 

How fun breakfast can be when you're poring over a random catalog of fireworks that came to your house (did they know we have a boy living here???). 

And how beautiful the view is out my window as I write this blog this afternoon. 

I am so thankful I found my camera.  Not only because, hello?, it was so super expensive, but because it has given me a new perspective to start seeing life through the lens again. 

And that is something that is priceless.

Release the Red Balloon

What a whirlwind it has been lately around here! 

School is still going full steam ahead...well, I guess that's not completely true as we've had a couple of sputtering times but we are homeschooling year round this year and not ending until late-ish July so we have to be full steam ahead!

April was a time of such huge change for me personally! 

I went from not working to accepting three, count 'em three!, positions in April!  I am now helping to clean our church, I will be a Classical Conversations tutor next school year (super duper excited!) and starting this autumn I will be the director of a church camp! 

God has blessed us in immeasurable ways and I just have to share a bit of a back story with you about all of this...

Emma is getting ready to go into the 6th grade.  The parochial school in our area that we have been eying (for years!) starts when students are in the 7th grade.  Needless to say that we have been praying like crazy about this decision and whether to send her to school rather than continuing to homeschool her.  And we're still praying about that so prayers appreciated! However, with the talk of private school came the talk that if the kiddos are in school then I am going to have to go back to work. 

Nick said this.  I more or less just cried and threw things like a toddler. 

I really and truly feel in my spiritual gut that I was made to be a momma at home.  I am a traditional housewife all the way.  Bread making, clothes washing, bed making kind of momma.  And just the thought of taking myself out of that setting made me sick to my stomach.  Literally. 

But once I stopped crying and throwing things (not really, I'm not cool enough to do that) I was able to quiet myself to listen to the God voice that, of course, spoke some sense into me.

God was asking me, "why would I give you a desire to stay at home and not take care of your needs to make sure you're where I want you?" 

That was a total duh, smack me upside the head, kind of moment.  Of course God has this. 

There is no need to worry.

So at that moment (back in February) I gave it to God.  Red balloon out of my hand, wafting up to God, I didn't pull it back to worry more, I just sent it up to God. 

And then in a weeks time it was like lightening.  I got the camp job.  I had a job at Notre Dame offered to me full time.  I had a magazine writing job fall in my lap. A bank was interested in me freelancing for them.  The church was wondering if I'd like to clean.  We joined Classical Conversations and there was this opportunity to help out. 

It was unbelievable. 

There is nothing else I could say other than truly, jaw dropping unbelievable. 

And this isn't about me, this is about God and what He can do in your life, my life, anyone's life, when we just let it go to let Him.  Let Him. 

Friends, wherever you are in your life right now, whatever you are going through, I hope this can be an encouragement to you.  Please let go of the worry.  Of the doubt.  Of the feeling that you have to have control and have an end in sight and know where you are going.  Because you don't.  God's got this.  Truly he does. 

So open your hand and release your red balloon.  Imagine it flying up to God and you aren't going to even try to take that worry and that burden back.  Just give it to Him and trust him with it. 

I promise He has good in store for you.  More good than you'll be able to shake a stick at.

Love you.

Like Popcorn Jelly Bellys

Sometimes in life you just have to push past the noise and do things for yourself.  Things that make you you, things that ensure you are being true to yourself. 

When I was a little girl we visited an old-fashioned hardware store after church one Sunday.  The floors were creaky wide planked hardwood boards and along an entire wall was a glass counter filled with jars of candy by the pound.  There was an employee handing out candy and he had me sample the newest flavor of jelly bean...popcorn.  It sounded gross but when I tasted that it instantly became my favorite.  I loved the way the flavor was so different and so unique. 

When I became a teenager though and then even in college, whenever there would be jelly bellys around someone would inevitably say how much they hate the popcorn ones and I found myself agreeing with how gross they were. 

I knew I had liked them but seeing them being scoffed I thought that I must have some weird memory of them in my head...that surely I was wrong and they weren't as good as I thought they had been.  And just like that I changed what I thought because of other people. 

That has happened in my life too.  With this blog.  A couple of years ago, before I moved to this platform, I wrote a blog I knew to be true to my heart.  It wasn't meant to be about someone it was meant to be about what was on my mind when someone outright did not like me and how I was going to react and deal with it.  Well, a lot of people reached out and were accusing me of saying things that were not in the blog at all.  Ouch.

I didn't really mind the comments because it's easy to see through hurtful comments to see hurt people who react by hurting others.  But what I did wonder was...Did those people really see all of those things in my one blog?  How did I miss all of these subliminal messages I was apparently putting in my articles?  

I found that I started letting that message into my writing...I was putting on different lenses when I started writing anything wondering what yeah-hoo God knows where is going to pull some weird, obscure something out of my writing that I had no intention of saying.  Because if it happened that one time...

Just like that I started censoring myself.

Thinking it would help, I reached out for professional help.  I attended writing seminars, consulted former editors of mine, participated in book launches, accepted invitations to courses led by other prestigious bloggers: I thought that would help give me direction but instead I ended up with a head full of even more restraints and rules with upon to censor what I have to say.  Idealogies such as imagine a person you're writing to, don't have too many topics, don't write about your kids, no one cares!, write about things people want to hear, do seo searches before you write to make sure people will search for your content with the right words. 

And just like that I popcorn jelly belly-ed myself all over again.  I ended up convincing myself that I must not be good at this.  That my "talent" and love of writing was some distorted memory, that I must not be cut out for this after all. 

Then last week, one of my amazing friends had me over for breakfast and in the warmth of her kitchen I put all of this to words and revealed to her my two year long struggle of writers block and why it's been so hard.  She said the words I needed to hear, "just write whatever you want."  As a fellow writer I know she gets the kind of smothering grasp too many restraints can take on your creativity. 

And just like that my popcorn jelly belly façade fell away.  It is okay to be me.  To like popcorn jelly bellys or to write or to watch one episode of Dick Van Dyke every morning.  Whatever weird thing it is, it's okay to be me. 

Last week I was stealing some of the kids jelly bellys (because Costco had 4 pounds for 9.99, yo).  Nick was in the kitchen with me and when I got to a popcorn one I said "mmm. I love the popcorn ones...they're my favorite."

I could tell you I have some super cool husband who said something airy"good for you, babe, but they're just not for me"  or something but instead the little weasel teased me about it...because that's how we roll, yo.

So here's the thing... 

I've learned that no matter what I do there will be haters (just watch the comments if you want some laughs from people who stalk my blog just waiting and have nothing but mean things to say...I'm sure they are coming!) but one of those haters shouldn't be me hating on myself.  There's no need to hate on myself because of my jelly belly awesome flavor love.

And that is how I'm feeling about writing too.  I want to write about what I want.  What interests me.  What I love.  Not what I think the world thinks they want to read.  I want to be true to myself.  True to me without caring about what other people deem as not good enough or weird or gross. 

So I'm getting back to me.  Back to my roots.  Back to Lindsay who does most everything okayish but not too many things particularly well.  Blogs like this one that really spill out my soul. Blogs about baking bread or perler beads or how to remove dry erase marker off my carpet.  Whatever. 

So, friends, this is me, bleeding out on the carpet for all the world to see. 

Not really.  I'm here in sweats occasionally stealing a popcorn jelly belly from my kids' easter basket.  They are the best after all...

Happy Tuesday!

Taking My Thoughts Captive

I have sat down to write several times, only to discover the feeling has crept in that I have nothing to say. 

No original thought.  Nothing that could be used to help anyone else feel better or encouraged or, well, much of anything.

And so I've hidden in the shadows.  This always seems to happen around this time of the year. 

The time of year when the lack of sun during the winter has kept me indoors enough to feel not wanted. 

And then things happen, small things, and small droplets of discouragement seem to pol to make me feel unwanted and unneeded...stupid things, dumb things, like unanswered emails, being taken off a website as admin that I am no longer a part of, on and on, things seem to pile up. 

In reality, in my mind I know these are silly and foolish things to allow to frustrate me, but they still do manage to make me feel inconsequential.

And so I remain quiet.  I try to find my purpose, my mission, the plan God has for me. 

Sometimes God seems quiet. 

But then I remember 2 Corinthians 10:5:

“We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ.”

— 2 Corinthians 10: 5

That reminds me that I need to get these thoughts and feelings under control.  I need to make them obedient to Christ who tells me that I am valued and loved and cherished. 

And I need to look at my life as something to be shared to bless others. 

That being said I am now taking my thoughts back from devil and taking them captive.  I will hold them accountable and make them align with what God thinks of me.  I will ponder what God says about me until I believe it.  No more will I play victim to the enemies attacks on my mind and feelings. 

Preach!

And so I hope you all are having a wonderful day!  It is sunshiney and wonderful here.  We went sledding earlier today in addition to school.  I hope you all are glad to have my back because I am glad to be back!  I love you all and I am sorry for the times that Satan gets me down. 

But no more! 

Have a blessed day, y'all!

An Invitation to Intentional Living

Last year as I rounded the bases towards my 35th Birthday I realized how quickly I had become unhappy with my life.  Being able to stay home for 8 years now, oh sure, I was glad for my husband, children, and stay at home status, but I found that any sense of joy or purpose was missing from my life. 

After praying I realized that I was living my life without a sense of intention.  I was missing the purpose, the reasoning, the feelings, the savoriness of life.

Often times I was too busy rushing through the day to day to realize the beauty of the gift of a single day here on earth.  I was hustling to get dinner on the table without enjoying the food, eating without enjoying a meal. 

So at 35 I decided not to waste another day.  I would enjoy every day.  Even the bad ones.  Even the horrible ones.  I would find something to enjoy.

In this journey I have discovered more joy than I ever thought possible.  God has opened my eyes to what a gift life truly is.  How a pretty set table really does make the food taste better.  How amazing it is that leaves turn up in a storm to collect rain.  How incredible it all is, working together.

See, I have spent my life thinking there was something wrong with me.  I've always been the girl (now the 35 year old girl) who could do all things okay-ish, but not one thing particularly, whoopee-well. 

I always assumed God had made a mistake with me.  Well, that or that there must be something out there I would be great at if only I could discover what that is (coal mining, perhaps?). 

I felt incomplete.  I felt lost, until one week I got away to examine my life.  It's amazing when you sit in a place and talk with God and just listen.  He sure laid a lot on my heart.  I finally felt that I understood what He was trying to do with my life, how He was using me with all of my okay-ish gifts. 

See, I'm good at all of these things in order to love and serve my family simply through living intentionally.

I may never be able to bake well enough to own my own bakery but I do an alright job of it to surprise our children with cookies, cupcakes, and doughnuts I baked for them for Valentine's Day. 

I may never be a professional party planner but I can plan a pretty great all out American Girl themed birthday party for our little girl to make her feel valued and treasured. 

And that's why I'm here. 

On this earth, I'm here to love my family through serving them.  To live intentionally to provide them memories, love, affection, and protection that will smother them with God's love so they'll be equipped to go out in this world and know how loved they are. 

And I'm at this computer to help you do the same for your family.  To help you learn how to bake a cake, wrap a gift, teach latin, whatever.  But to walk with you down a path leading to intention and joy through serving and loving our families. 

I invite you to start living intentionally for the Lord.  To look for his goodness in this world.  To love through serving your family.

And if you want to follow along with my journey, I'd love to have you for a friend and we can make mistakes together. 

After all,

The joy is in our journey!

Happy 2017!

I hope you all have a Happy New Years!  We will be here kicking around the house all day, after church, enjoying our last day of relaxing before we return to reality on Monday. 

After all when the clock strikes midnight, our carriage turns into a pumpkin and we will be back into the world of work and homeschool and grown up responsibilities. 

Boo.

Last night I read this.  David wrote it and you can pray it over your family and home. 

Praying a safe and healthy 2017 for you and yours! 

Psalm 91

1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High
    will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.[a]
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress,
    my God, in whom I trust.”

3 Surely he will save you
    from the fowler’s snare
    and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers,
    and under his wings you will find refuge;
    his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night,
    nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness,
    nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side,
    ten thousand at your right hand,
    but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes
    and see the punishment of the wicked.

9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,”
    and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you,
    no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you
    to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands,
    so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra;
    you will trample the great lion and the serpent.

14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him;
    I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him;
    I will be with him in trouble,
    I will deliver him and honor him.
16 With long life I will satisfy him
    and show him my salvation.”

This is My Grown-Up Christmas Wish

Hey guys!   I hope that today you are happy and feeling blessed because, well, you are! 

I just wanted to share a little backstory behind my blog and a little about what has been going on behind the scenes...that's a lot about behinds but then it will be looking forward from here on out I tell ya ;)

I started this blog SOOO long ago.  About 2007 I believe?  So almost 10 years ago. I have been blogging for so many reasons throughout the years but the number one reason behind my blog has been because I have always loved to write.  After I had our daughter Emma my blog became a way to document things we were doing in her life and it served as a way to keep out-of-state family connected into our life.  After our son Calvin was born and then diagnosed with Autism my blog morphed into a new form that enabled me to tell other moms "you are not alone" because I know that I felt alone and often ashamed by everything I was feeling and going through. 

My blog started on blogger and then has taken me places I never thought possible.  My blog opened the door for me to have my own column and lifestyle blog with our local newspaper and after I left the paper it opened doors for me to become a freelance author and writer of some really great projects in magazines.  It's been an amazing journey and I love how I got to where I am today!

Today I have this blog for the reasons mentioned still but also as a way to kind of get me out of myself and out of the house!  I have felt God's calling for a while now that I have a gift and a message that no one else out there in the world has to share.  I love that He made each of us unique and special and I want to share that with others!  God also placed in my life my amazing cousin who when I was finally ready for a "real" website she constructed everything for me and put it all together seamlessly.  It's been such a great journey!  

So there's the backstory of my blog.  Now onto the behind the scenes of what is happening currently...

Earlier this year I turned 35 and had a clear vision...no more bad days. 

No more days of feeling like I hadn't accomplished anything, days where I was ashamed of being me, days where I was embarrassed at night to come before the Lord in prayer with nothing to offer Him.  I just felt depleted and done. I know that "no more bad days" isn't really possible but I have decided to live intentionally and to not let life just fly by me. 

I know God has great plans for me; I stand in faith in that statement.  And so on my 35th birthday I decided to start living intentionally. I would try to have the best day...everyday.  Now of course that isn't possible and of course already I have stumbled and fallen but, by golly, I am determined! 

One of the areas of my life I have felt determined in is my blog.  The past year (or so!) I have had my blog take a back seat.  I've written when I wanted to, not really worked on it, and as a result when I come back to it it feels neglected to me.  I didn't want that anymore either. 

I really felt like I needed an assistant though with everything that comes with blogging today (did you know it's more than just sitting down and writing?) Watermarks, editing, cropping...and that's just for the photos!  Then there's the actual content, marketing through social media, pinterest, I could go on and on but that's not what this is about!  I also felt like I needed some sort of accountablility. 

So I got up all the courage I had and decided to hire someone.  Sorry, "hire" someone.  So I asked my husband.  Now I am sure I could have hired a much better Virtual Assistant but seeing as my budget to pay someone is $0 I figured he was the man for the job! 

It's been incredible working side by side on this job and dream and gift with him.  He pushes me out of my comfort zone in terms of ideas and collaborations and trusts my God given gifts to stand on their own. 

That being said we don't fully feel like we are where we want to be, but we are trying!  One of the things Nick was so surprised by was how low my readership is.  Try as I might it just feels like something is missing that I am missing so we all are missing.  Did ya get all that?

And that's where all of this behind stuff comes into helping me.  By reading all of these behind the scene and background details I am hoping you can help me step into the future with my blog! 

Legit talking now, here's what I'm struggling with:  Laying it all out on the line I feel like I write well and have good ideas and lots to share but my following and readership just doesn't jive with that.  Meaning I am not having nearly as many people reading my work and coming back as I would hope or expect. 

So...

This is my Grown-Up Christmas Wish:

Well it's kind of two-fold. 

Here's what I would really like for you to do:

1) Please give me honest comments about my site. 

Rip me apart.  What do you like about my site?  What do you hate?  Tell me what needs changed.  Everything you say, be it hearts and stars or harsh will be seen with love and appreciation.  I want to know what is keeping people away and those who stay, I want to know what they are liking.

and...

2) Please follow and/or share my blog, Pinterest, Instagram, Facebook, whatever! 

The higher my readership numbers, the better I am able to serve you with fun things like giveaways, reviews, and other things!  I really want to help other Momma's to be the best they can be!  Also when my numbers go up then I know that I am not just writing and hearing nothing but crickets back.  Ugh, that's always the worst!  Anytime you can tell your friends about my site in any form I would really, really appreciate it! 

So those are the two things I would really love as my Grown-Up Christmas Wishes! 

Please comment below on this blog to tell me what to change, what to keep, and everything in between! 

For all of you who read this, I am so genuinely thankful...thankful for you, your voice, your friendship, and your faithfulness. 

Thanks again friends, be blessed!

Welcome to our Cottage

I can't wait to share our cottage with you. 

Ready? 

Come on in, friends! 

In case you missed it in this post you can read all about how my amazing husband took me down and presented me with keys as a birthday gift...keys to our very own lake cottage!  It was so sweet and romantic of him to set the trip up and to give me a lake cottage for my birthday!  He's really upped the ante when it comes to birthday gifts.  Next year I'm going to have to give him a Porsha or something ;)

But anyway...

Welcome to our new home away from home. 

Literally!

We are so, so blessed by this place.   I have wanted a cottage ever since I was a girl but I had never thought of it as a real possibility.  I never really even thought of it as being possible. If it did ever happen, I figured maybe one day when the kids were grown.  Or I was almost dead. 

But a few months ago this all started coming together in one of those events that you just know God is at the head of. We had taken Cal down (Emma had ballet and then was with my sister...boo!  We always miss her) and visited with some friends of ours who have a cottage a few doors down from what is now ours (we're neighbors now!).  They were talking with us about a few cottages that were available for sale.  We looked at them longingly but figured it was just a nice dream and set out on our way. 

On the way home though we were talking about how Cal just seemed to love being down around the lake.  He rode his bike all over and had the best time.  He was so much better behaved after being down there.  Then we started talking more seriously about owning a cottage and God opened doors and paved ways we never thought would be open to us. It's been an incredible experience to be a part of. We have always known that nothing was impossible with our God but this has really proven that for us!

I do want to say that our cottage needs a lot of work.  I don't want to sugar coat it and make it look like it's perfect.  It's not. It's like us: It needs work.  But we have a clear vision together of what we want and we are so excited to work on it together.  Thankfully it is in live in condition...no mold or vermin or missing walls, whew! 

It's totally us. 

Except the furniture.  The purchase came with the furniture so that will be moved out as well.  Didn't want to confuse y'all and have you thinking we already moved furniture in. :)

If you know Nick and I you know that we are kind of weirdos.  And we LOVE old houses.  When a girl who's a history nerd marries an architect you get a really great love of OLD Architecture!  Our home is over 120 years old.  We have changed things and discovered things and polished things.  It's the work we've put into our home that makes us love it even more.  And one another.  Our home (like this one will be) truly is a labor of love.

I don't think that we are "new" home kinds of people.  We love the journey that old homes provide.  Our cottage is one of the original ones on the lake left in the original shape.  It is going to be so fun to tear away the layers and try to find what is still there...to go through the journey together and sift through the past.

So let's show you around...what we love, what we are going to change and everything in between! 

Come on in!

This is the view from the front door.  Currently there is a bedroom that you can see in the photo.  It is actually decent sized.  However we really want a big open space.  I'm envisioning kids sprawled on the floor doing a puzzle, family cookouts with people bustling in and out.  Those type of things.  And with the space so small (less than 500 sq ft!) we really want to open everything as much as possible.  We are planning on tearing down these walls! in the center of the room so it's just a big open area.  We are planning on having a bed down there (ain't no fan of a futon) but it will be in the open space.  Pa and Ma Ingalls style. 

So I can definitely see what others were trying to do in the past with our house.  I don't want to be one to say "what were they doing here?"  because everyone has their own vision for space, their own personalities, tastes, ideas, and budgets.

What we are envisioning is one large area (for now).  Down the road we envision a second floor being added on with the bedrooms moved to upstairs.  Can you picture all of it?  Can you?  Eek, I'm excited just talking about it!

For now though we will have one large room which will serve as the bedroom/entry/living room.  The children have a small room where they will sleep in bunkbeds.  It's an adorable little nook for them.  We also have a kitchen and a bathroom.  and that's it! Let me show you those...

Here is the bathroom.  It looks teeny tiny and it is!  The first time we looked at the cottage I didn't go in the bathroom and then when I went home and thought of the cottage (and dreamed about it even!) I was eeked out by the size of the bathroom.  But this time when I was in the cottage I actually WENT in the bathroom and I was surprised by the amount of space in the bathroom.  Don't get me wrong, there isn't a lot of space. But I could at least change my clothes without knocking something off of the sink.  Whew!

This is the kids nook/area/thing.  Emma keeps telling people that they have to sleep in a closet which isn't true (but it is the size of a good closet I suppose!) The people before us have been keeping this as a little storage area so after a good tidy, some new matresses, and some paint it will be as good as new.  One of the things I think the kids are having a hard time understanding is the lack of personal space.  Living in a large home we all have our own areas of the house to go to when we need to be alone but here we won't have that.  We've been trying to explain it to them but I think it will still be a big adjustment for all of us. 

From the kitchen you can see that this place has not been occupied for some time.  It's definitely going to need some love!  These two photos are me standing in one side of the kitchen and taking a photo and then swapping sides and taking a photo of the side where I had been standing.  Our big view of the lake is out of the kitchen window which placement wise makes it a bit awkward.  But we are going to make it work! 

Here's a very side view (not sure why I didn't take it from straight on) but I just love the view.  We are about 3 houses down from the beach area that has a little playground.  It will just be perfect!

Anyway, the view is one of the reasons that we want to make this as open and airy as we can...we want to see the view as much as we can! 

Well, I hope you enjoyed the tour of our little lake cottage.  We are so excited to bring it back to life and love on it.  God is so amazing friends! 

---

I will be posting soon all about the little details of the place that can be hard to see in photos.  With that maybe you can help me with some design questions we are having :).  We plan on posting all about our progress so stick around!

An Attitude of Gratitude

This attitude of dissent has crept into our home. 

I find myself being a voice of complaint rather than being a light in this world.  And of course, what a Momma does, her kids are quick to pick up and model themselves.  So we're all going downhill with grumpiness, bad attitudes, and just general downward thinking.

But November is the time to reject all of that thinking. 

It is after all the season of gratitude! 

I have been doing the Armor of God Bible study with our church (I plan to write about that in another blog!) and this verse was brought to my attention:

You may be like me and have heard this verse a kajillion times.  It's my fall back when I am stressed and taking things back from the cross and worrying about things that I was not even designed to worry about. 

But here's the thing I've learned about this verse.  I'm sharing this with you because it's kind of life changing.  Not only are we to ask God for things, to talk to Him, to tell him what is on our mind and to make those requests known, girl, but we are to do it with Thanksgiving. 

In other words we are not supposed to approach the thrown of God as sniveling, whining children, only complaining about what we don't have and what hasn't gone our way, and what we're scared of.  Don't get me wrong, God wants to hear those things from you. 

But He wants to hear thanksgiving too. 

Thanksgiving.  It's a magical word.  It is something that, when we do it, when we give Thanks, it turns our whole perspective, our whole world, our whole attitude upside down.

Because then I'm not just complaining but I'm also realizing how great I have it in the grand scheme of things. 

Because then I'm not looking so inward as to what I need and what I want but I am looking outwardly to what He has given me. 

And what happens when we come to God with Thanksgiving?

Verse 7 explains that that is when we are blessed with God's peace.  See, God's peace is given to us when we ask Jesus into our hearts.  We have it within us.  But when we're anxious and not going to God and not being thankful, we aren't going to feel that peace, to experience that peace. 

But when we start going to God with our thanksgiving, that's when he pours out His blessing of peace on our lives.  It's a peace that makes no sense to us, we can't even comprehend how we are feeling peace in the midst of chaos and terror and crazy.  But we are.  And we can.  And YOU can. 

I can tell you about this because, it is true!  I know it is true because I have God's peace.  Sure, there are times when I become too like this world and I stress, and I panic, and I freak.  But when I remember to pray and pray and pray and when I pepper those prayers with thanksgiving, that's when his peace is on me like a warm blanket. 

So I really urge you to practice thanksgiving this month. 

Everyday we can count our blessings and marvel at all that God has done for us. 

I am so very blessed.  He made me ME and He gave me this very life to live out in the best way He wants me to do that.  I am feeling very thankful for that on this first day of November. 

So day 1: I am thankful for this very life He gave me.  I don't want anyone else's.  I'm so glad I have mine!

What are YOU Thankful for today? Comment below, I'd love to hear from you!

I am Tweaking the Direction of this Website

Alright I'm just going to get right to the point:

I've been kind of hating this blog. 

At first I set out to blog to chronical my kiddos. 

Loved it. 

This blog then provided me with basically a resume that a major newspaper picked me up and I wrote for them. 

Still loved it. 

I even went on to several magazines who saw my tone and insight as something unique and special. 

Loved that.

Then Cal was diagnosed with Autism and while my first purpose remained I got so much feedback when I blogged about my feelings and emotions about everything that I felt really inspired.  I wanted to share with other moms and to be help along the way in their journeys with autism. 

Loved that.

Along the way though I got the idea to blog for money. So I got off of blogger.  I had this pafe designed.  I started to look cool. 

And that's when I started to love it all a bit less.  I convinced myself that it was just because it was a different platform and because it was all so new. 

I researched everything and started blogging what I thought y'all would want to read rather than what I wanted to write about.

And so that made me like it less.

I got into some business agreements.  I had a commitment.  And with commitment comes a promise to write even when I can't find the words. 

And that's when I started to like all of this a lot less. 

And so I've kind of stepped away from it all.  I've been thinking if I wanted to write at all or if I just wanted to scrap it. 

But what I come back to time and time again is that I love writing about our life here for family and friends to read who live a ways away. 

And I like to write about homeschooling.  It seems like when I do that and I am showing you what we are doing that it helps to keep me accountable and to keep homeschooling cool for the kids so I can help all of you with your homeschool journeys.  I like to share. I'm a sharer. 

So in taking a break I've decided that this blog will be more homeschool oriented.  That may be a bleh or a yeah for you depending on who you are.  I'm still planning on sharing cool stuff to do with your kids and about our lives. 

But I wanted to be open about this all.  I am changing the game, I am going back to my roots and I am blogging about what is keeping ME Super Busy at Home. 

I hope you'll stick around for the journey.  It's all so much fun. 

Love to you all!