Mama No!

From the moment my feet touched the stairs to hook up my Coffee IV this morning, Calvin was screaming "Mama, no!" I think he thought I was going to work right that second. After 15 minutes of relentless crying I went to get him. Poor dear. He had thrown everything out of his bed and had a huge armfull of his comforter. You could tell he was trying to figure out how the heck he was going to lug that thing out of the crib. It was so cute and he looked so excited to see me.
I put him into bed with Daddy and he just snuggled all in. He was definitely not happy to see me go this morning and it just broke my heart to have to leave him.
Right now I am living with the verse "Delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" in my heart. The desire of my heart is to be at home with those precious children. There is nothing I want more. So I am delighting myself in God and I am faithful that in His time I will get to be at home with my babies.

Aren't We Cute?

I thought i would post one of the pictures from our recent photo shoot. Aren't we cute? Couldn't you just eat us up? The children were amazingly well behaved. Yeah! Tonight we are having tacos which are sounding pretty yummy to me. Then we have a fun filled night of returning Library books and carving our pumpkin...hooray! I am sure I will be posting pictures of that soon (the pumpkin not the books!). Hope you are enjoying this beautiful day!

Gluten Boy

As we are researching Apraxia we are finding that some Apraxic kids have responded well to having a diet free of Gluten. I am curious if any of my readers (or should I say lurkers since I am talking to those of you who view but never leave comments :)...) have ever had a gluten free diet. I am wondering if there is some sort of super center for Gluten free food. Because seriously a loaf of bread costs $8.00 if it is gluten free.

Sunday Afternoon

Here's Calvin and Emma coloring yesterday afternoon. They colored together while I made dinner: meatloaf, green beans, mashed potatoes, and apple pie. They played together so well and seemed to have a really good time. I love the laid back feel of Sundays, don't you?

Christmas Coupons

photo courtesy of playskool.com

If you are like me you are starting on your Christmas Shopping right about me. Or you are at least thinking about it. Or thinking that soon you are going to have to think about it. Well Playskool has issued some coupons that make some of their toys pretty darn good deals. Here is the link. I know for example the sit and spin is on sale at Target this week (at least in our area, that is my one and only disclaimer) is on sale for 20.00 this week and with the 10.00 off coupon it will be only 10.00 (just in case you are REALLY bad with math!) So one of those would be for any kid...who doesn't like to sit around and get dizzy?

My Silly Blessings

With both of our children they seem to be cute and adorable (even more so that usual) the moment that you put a hat on them! Emma usually flashes the silly cute smiles and Calvin somehow always cocks his hat and starts humming Bone Thugs and Harmony Tunes. I love it! Hope you are all enjoying your Sunday!

Finally Getting Caught Up

Last weekend we went to the Pumpkin Patch to pick out great Pumpkin of the year. We had a lot of fun despite being FREEZING cold! I kept thinking "I can't feel my feet!" but just kept on smiling! The farm we've been going to every year has games and activities for the children to play with and this year they were big enough to go on some sory of inflatable pillow thingy. They had so much fun! They were just giggling and Calvin could hardly ever get up but it was so cute! I've posted pictures of that, of us with our Pumpkin and of the children excited about going to the Patch!

THEN the weekend before that Nick's brother treated us to a weekend in Chicago! We felt to blessed by the whole experience. We went to the Bear's game courtesy of Uncle Marcy. It was my first game ever and I actually really enjoyed it. The picture of Nicholas and I is from before the game. It was a good time to get away and not have to worry about bills or job searches or Apraxia, or all of the other 18 million things I seem to worry about every day. And that was worth more to me than anything.

So that's what we've been doing on our weekends. This weekend we have nothing planned which is heavenly.

If You'll Excuse Me...

I'm sorry I have not been blogging lately. Monday we got the official diagnosis that Calvin has Apraxia of Speech, and possibly of the limbs. I am just so overwhelmed right now I need to collect my thoughts. I've been spending all of my free time research coconut oil, omega 3's, gluten free diets, and when I haven't been doing that I've been crying. I'll write soon, promise. Thanks for your prayers and for understanding!

Apple Picking

If you want them to smile, tell them to put buckets on their heads

Calvin's first apple of the season

Here's Emma's

The children picking apples together

This is Emma's "I love picking apples" dance...she also looks like a dino.

So after the Mill last weekend (yeah, yeah, last last weekend) we went to the Apple Orchard. We had a blast! The children love picking apples and I love them eating apples so its a win-win here folks. The weather was perfect and we had so much fun!

The Old Mill

This is the face you get when you ask Emma to smile and she's freaked out

Here we are in the basement of the mill!

Outside being cute!

Calvin and I at our picnic

Last weekend (okay two weekends ago because I am slow) we went to an old mill near our home. At first Emma was not going for it...mainly because it was making a horrid racket while grinding corn down. But once it stopped we had a lovely tour and everyone seemed to enjoy themselves. We ever were able to take home a bag of cornmeal that we had been there to watch them make...I thought that was pretty neat! They rang us up on the original cash register and measured it out on an old scale...we even went home with our cornmeal in a paper bag tied with string...neat-o! We also had a picnic and a thoroughly wonderful time exploring God's creation around us and thanking Him for His goodness.

Don't Pee in the Street

Today Emma called me at work to tell me that “it is unacceptable for children to pee in the street”. It is so adorable how she trips over unacceptable. She kept telling me this over and over until I was wondering why are you calling to tell me this? What did you do? Nick came on the phone to tell me that she saw a squirrel pee in the street and told him that it is unacceptable for children to pee in the street. So true. I was scared she had peed in the street and Nicholas was having her tell me.

I love having her call me and tell me these silly little things because its things like this that I miss when I am at work. We have some very creative kids. Emma says funny things and Calvin tries to stack dinosaurs on top of cows…seriously these kids are just too cute.

The Next Einstein

Calvin still isn't talking. We've been with our speech therapist who is wonderful and she has been having him do mouth exercises so he can now move his mouth to make the noises. The problem? He still is not communicating. He still doesn't know how to tell me what he wants. He still gets frustrated and punches people, hits his head into anything or anyone, breaks things, bites people, and throws things. I want my baby back. I want him to know I care what he wants, I want to help him, I just don't KNOW what he wants.
So we are back to Apraxia. Have I talked about this before? Apraxia is a neurological disorder in where he physically cannot figure out how to get the words out to say, please give me more crackers."
Monday our therapist told us two things: he's either incredibly stubborn or it's Apraxia. My heart hurts for my baby. Just imagine being in a party and being ignored most of the time. You have no way of telling anyone, "yes another cream puff would be delightful" or "no thank you, enough champagne for me". That must be his whole life. How freaking frustrating. No wonder we are punching walls.
She told us another thing that I was dreading...we have to sign to him. I don't know sign language. I know about as much sign language as Amish people know Mandarin Chinese...not very much.
All I can think is, what if this is his life? What if he can never speak? What if I am signing to him "smile for the camera" for graduation pictures?
I know I sound like a spaz, I know that everyone keeps telling me "he'll talk when he's ready", "he's just so little", "Einstein didn't talk till he was three" but the truth of the matter is I don't care. I want my baby to talk. I want to her "I love mama." As any mother feels, I would take his hurt and his frustration away in a New York minute. I would do that because it kills me and eats away at my heart when he's frustrated, or sad, or hurt, and can't tell me that. I don't even know when he's had a bad dream or when something scared him. His cry sounds the same for everything.
I know he'll probably talk at some point, but until that point comes all of this is painfully difficult. If he didn't have a problem I wouldn't have a team of therapists, and mountains of evaluations, and paperwork, and activities, and videos, and on and on.
Thanks for listening. I pray and cry every night that my little boy will one day be able to talk. Please pray the same.

Me

Some of you who read this know me like an old book (or is it shoe)? Anyway, some of you don't really know a lot about me, or perhaps you are just DYING to know more! So here's a little info on the girl you want to know:

I drink either a hot cocoa or a chai tea almost every night.

Cocoa must be made with TONS of marshmallows

Ina Garten is my current hero

I often times think I am the worst mother ever

I have no idea what my purpose in life is

I Heart Chunky Peanut Butter...Nick likes creamy so guess what I eat?

I secretly want a volvo wagon to complete the whole soccer mom look

Squirrels have always scared me...and now Racoons are topping that list! AHHHH!

I have a hard time transitioning and I hate Change

I only like thick crust pizza

I often time crave Diet Coke with a TON of ice

Eel is my favorite sushi...to which I have made Nick like...payback for the peanut butter I guess

Okay that's it for now...now you can write YOUR random things about you!

Silly Little Family

Mustaches. This is what happens when your kids are using watercolors and you let your husband supervise. Beware. :)