I always pause when I write things on here because I don't want to offend people. But when it comes right down to it this blog is about me sharing my heart, my struggles, my goods, and my bads. I always hear feedback of how you all appreciate my openness in struggles. So in the spirit of that I hope you'll understand that sometimes you just need to write and vent.
Last night it was brought to my attention that someone hates me.
Hates me.
Ouch.
When I heard this at first I just kind of shook my head.
Then I replayed everything that had been said.
Then I cried.
Then I looked on Pinterest for solace.
It was a real rollercoaster of emotions going on, let me tell you. :)
You know that's true when it includes Pinterest, right? By the way that is where I found these lovely sayings which are my graphics today.Apparently I'm not the only one who is bothered by these feelings!
You see, I cannot stand when people do not like me.
Is it petty?
Perhaps,
Is it just the reality of life that not everyone is going to get along with everything else?
Definitely.
Should I just try to shake it off? (cue the Taylor Swift music...)
Probably.
I think the real hurt comes from the fact that the person who doesn't like me is not a Christian and therefore doesn't share the same views as Nick and I. I'd love to be a light for that person and I have strived to do that. Was I always perfect? Of course not! I make mistakes, big mistakes! But I have reached out to this person twice to try to open the lines of communication, to try to mend fences, and work through things. Mending fences due to who knows what is always hard. It would be so much easier if I knew why they hated me. Each time I approached my words coming out with prayer and after myself and Nick reading and rereading things, I then hit send.
But last night I found that each time I tried was met with bitterness and what quite honestly feels like pure hatred. The person has no intent on liking me or trying to like me.
So with heaviness on my heart I pray for this person and the situation but I also pray for peace that I will accept the things that I cannot change. After all I have no idea why they don't like me, what I have done or said to make them dislike me. It's hard to change yourself, if necessary, if you don't even know what you need to change.
I hate dealing with issues like this because it feels so High School. The worldly part of me wants to pull out my mean girl clothes from school and make fun of someone. To bring it to the world's attention that this person is not playing nice. Or fair. And quite honestly sometimes it all just seems like a big waste of time. I mean, why should I worry about what mean people say or think? I've got babies to care for, school to teach, a hot husband to remind a million times of what he needs to do. Things, people. I've got things!
But God reins me in to remind me that seeking justice is not my job. That I can't make people like me. That my worth is not in what they think but in what He sees in me. I know that is enough. I live in that being enough.
But the sting is still there.
And so today has been a day of staying under the radar. Of trying to mend my heart and remind myself that not everyone is going to like me, my thoughts, or my feelings. I feel like I am in middle school after a big fight and my dad had to try to console me that it is okay if someone just doesn't like me, as long as I'm being the best me I can be.
Sorry about the big meaningless blog...it's just a rant of me letting my feelings show. But know...If you are feeling like someone doesn't like you, take heart that God still does. And I like you! I think you're pretty great!
Love you all! xo
